Titty Bar Lock-out

The Saturday that just passed, the drumline had a performance in Mifflinburg.  We also taught a clinic there.  We practiced on Saturday until something a little bit after 11pm, and then we were free to do what we wanted.  All the instructors went out to drink like they usually do, so Sean was in charge of turning the lights on and off.

I was totally not ready to go to bed.  I talked to Kyle, who was laying on his sweet memory foam bed for the night, and then a few other people, and ended up driving Gina, Isaac (our new bass drummer) and Kyle to Sheetz.  Kyle really really wanted a milkshake, but my car was almost so cold it made him not want one.   I kept the car warm so he would still want it.  I got a pack of purple and pink nerds, but I left them in the gym that night and forgot to get them the next day.

Anyway, after we got out of Sheetz, we had no idea what to do because it was still too early to go to sleep.  One of the other guys suggested, "Let's look for a titty bar!" and so I thought, hell, why not?  What's the worst that could possibly happen?  So I drove a couple miles down the main road in town (Rt 45) looking for anything that might be a strip club.  We eagerly read every sign we came across, particularly neon ones.  We were let down in every circumstance.  We turned around in a creepy used car lot, parked in the Mifflinburg lot, and went to the door.

We had gone to Sheetz with another car of people, and we thought they would leave the door propped open for us.  However, we were wrong.  It was pretty cold that night, and also pitch black in the parking lot because they turn all the lights out there at that school after a certain time at night to save energy.  So I was dressed alright, in a light jacket.  Gina had a bunch of layers on.  Kyle and Isaac were both wearing gym shorts if I remember correctly, but had on jackets and sweatshirts.  When we found the door was locked we just thought, "God, you must be kidding me."

So the first thing we did of course was knock loudly.  However, the gym we were staying it was three sets of doors away, so there was no way they would ever hear us.  I considered honking my car forever until they came, but never brought it up.  Isaac tried to force up a window, but that didn't work.  Kyle and Isaac had both left their phones inside, so we couldn't get to any of the numbers they had gotten because no one memorizes numbers anymore.  So we were stuck with my phone and Gina's phone.  I called the few people I knew that were inside - Cass and Sean - but neither of them answered.  Then we decided to call Laura to get some other people's numbers, so Gina called her.  She kept hanging up to give us numbers, which made Kyle really frustrated.  She gave us the number for Kate and Steve W, but neither of them answered.

Well actually, she gave us the number for SOME Steve, but not the one in drumline.  Kyle called "Steve" from Gina's phone and the guy was just like, "Dude, what?  What are you talking about?  No, this is the wrong person, sorry."  Which was great.

So it had probably been like ten minutes at this point and we were still locked out and not sure what to do.  I told Gina to go back to the car because her teeth were chattering, but she didn't want to.

Eventually, I gave in and called Tollie.  I told her we were stuck outside and someone needed to let us in, and I figured she'd have a number of a bunch of people inside to try.

A few minutes later, Alix came to let us in.  The wallet and paper we'd been using to prop the door open was nowhere to be seen.  What the hell happened?  Oh well.  Alix asked us why we were out so late and I told her, because I knew it would make her angry.

Peace out.

Ah

I don't usually make posts like this, but I just want to record that this is the most tired I remember being in just about as long as I can remember.

Probably since the time I stayed up all night talking to Cat, or the time I tried to stay up all night at the end of PGSS, or the time I stayed up all night at Brown.  

It is too early.

Peace out.

(Note that this was originally posted by accident on thethingswesaid, Wednesday after midnight, and I slept well into Thursday morning)

Cai

I went to Late Night (a cafeteria that's open late) recently with a couple friends to just hang out and hopefully eat some Mozz sticks as we say.  At one point I went up to get some cereal and decided on Frosted Flakes, and just as I put the bowl under the dispenser, a girl with black hair, pale skin, but maybe an Italian face who worked came up beside me to fix something nearby and said, "Yeah man, go for those Frosted Flakes, they're great."  Something about the way she said it was interesting, so I said, "Yeah, definitely - " and then I realized that "They're Great" was referring to the tagline for the cereal, - "oh, hahaha, clever.  Yeah, they are great."  I wanted to make some witty reference to another cereal slogan, but none came to mind.  Kid tested, mother approved?  Eh.

Later I went to get some milk, but it was empty, so one of the workers needed to change it.  They called someone, but no one came, and the same girl ended up doing it.  My friend Jaffe (his last name) was with me.  I think that her name tag said Cai but I'm not really sure.  She talked to Matt and I as she opened up the silver dispenser, took out the huge empty crates, and then loaded another one.  I realized that she had a bit of trouble loading the full one, and I made fun of Jaffe and myself for letting the woman do all the hard work.  She said that she was a disgruntled worker, but at least she got paid.  She also made a reference to Napoleon Dynamite - "You could drink whole milk if you wanted to" - as she walked away at the beginning of the episode.  She seemed like a cool cat.

I think she was in Simmons today.  I was playing piano, and I think I saw her sit down on a couch beyond the piano, where I couldn't see very well.  There was a friend there, too.  They both seemed like they wanted to sleep - and, I'm pretty sure they fell asleep.  I played quiet and calming songs so I wouldn't bug them.  In a way it was nice - I think they may have actually liked it, since they came in while I was playing - but also, I like to play what I want to play, not waht sleepy passerbys want me to play.  I didn't get to check if it was her or not afterward.

Peace out.

Strangers at Simmons

Sometime over the weekend, after drumline, I was hanging around Simmons.  I was walking up the stairs right near the lobby (the main stairwell, with black "granite" flooring) when I saw someone knock at the window that's to your left if you're walking up from the lobby's floor.  I just looked for a second and stepped on - you're not supposed to let strangers in - but they knocked again frantically and I said, "I DON'T KNOW YOU" and then they said something which I couldn't really understand, but I sort of realized it was an old Asian man, and I went to let him in.

When he came in, he was sort of loud, and the person at the help desk definitely noticed the disturbance.  I was afraid he would be mad at me for letting him in, but he was a delivery man (at least, we hoped.  He had food and stuff).  He called someone on his cell phone and said that he was in the lobby after asking me where he was, but apparently the person couldn't understand him.  He seemed a little bit angry and fairly frustrated.  He hung up his phone, and then asked me to call them back and explain the situation (white person = English!).  I called the person and they said they were at the Simmons loading dock, and I said that he was in the lobby.  The person said they would come up to get it, but he insisted on going down - I knew this was a bad idea because we might somehow miss each other on the way by.

I started walking him down the stairs and insisting, "The loading dock is down this way.  This is the way she would come if she were coming from there."  At each door and each turn, I think he grew a little bit more suspicious, like I was leading him on a wild goose chase or some sort of stunt.  Eventually we got to the basement, and I looked around, knowing the girl would probably be headed up.  He followed out the door behind me, and I noticed a girl at the elevator just as we got to the floor.  He asked if it was for her, and she said yes, it was.  They had a quick exchange that was somewhat angry - you said you'd be here!  No, I said I'd be here! - but the deal was done, I suppose.  I can't remember where he went or where I went, but he thanked me before he left.

---

There was a black guy sitting and waiting at the door to Simmons's loading dock a few days ago when I went out for some reason - dinner?  He said thank you and went inside, but I felt like there was something weird about him.  He was approximately my age, but I had never seen him before ever, and he was just sitting, waiting, as if he didn't know anyone and he didn't have a card.  He had a big blue jacket on, and a blue knit hat.

I've heard rumors of someone getting into the dorm recently and apparently giving people a rough time.  It's suspected that whoever it is isn't a student.  My friend Vicki apparently glanced at him once, and he came over and cursed her out and kicked her computer.  I was wondering if it was this guy.

I did feel bad about letting him in, but then again, what can I do?  If he's a nice guy, there's no harm in letting him in.  If he's a murderer, then he'd probably murder me for kicking him out onto the cold streets at night.  And if I don't let him in, someone else will (while I'm laying outside, murdered).

Anyhow.  I came back later - maybe I went to the computer lab? - and I saw someone approaching the door from the other direction (we were both outside, he from the west and I from the east) and I thought, shit, is it that guy again?  It was that guy.  I don't know if he was waiting for someone to approach the building or not but there was like no way I could avoid letting him in.  I felt bad about it again.

However, no one's been murdered.  I saw him in the study lounge tonight, with a laptop, on Facebook.

Peace out.

Icey Hockey

Chas and I have been itching to play hockey basically all semester. I had checked out the rink once or twice to see if the snow and ice had melted off of it yet, but was disappointed to find about two inches of slush each time. Yesterday Chas called me at about 3:30 when I was in the computer lab and said he checked the rink and it looked mostly clear, and asked if I wanted to go play. I said sure, and I got there a little bit after four.

We shot around for a little bit. He was working on his backhand and slapshot. On one of the first shots he took, I kept thinking, "the pucks are going to break. We really should try not to hit the post" and I was literally just about to say "Do everything you can to NOT hit the post" when he shot it, hit the post, and the puck flew over the fence and about a hundred feet away onto some ice in the middle of the field near the rink. We must have shot about six pucks out.

At one point we were playing one-on-one with an empty net. We would just start in the middle of the court, one on offense and one on defense, try to get a shot off. I played offense first and I don't think I did very well, so he took the puck out to go. He was coming down the board on his right side, and then turned around to try to guard the puck from me. Without either of us realizing, he was skating backward right into a huge left-over puddle of freezing water and some ice. I have no idea why it seemed so fast, but it felt sort of like I was in the middle of a super intense chase scene in a movie and then everything went wrong, the camera angle changed, and you realized, "Um, crap" and all the music stopped.

Anyhow, he was okay, he didn't hurt himself, but he didn't totally eat it. He landed on his elbow and scratched it just a tiny bit, but the worst injury was that he was very very wet, and the water was very very cold. It actually splashed as he hit it. I felt bad - there really was like a 50% chance that either of us would hit it, and it sucked that it turned out to be him. I also sort of felt bad that I didn't stop him, but I also had no idea it was coming.

Peace out.

Broken Computer

My computer came down with some malware recently (of the SWP2009 variety) so it's in the shop. I haven't been online, I haven't been up with the news, I haven't been reading SomethingAwful or HuffPo, I haven't been able to check my e-mail or my homework (since it's basically all online now), I haven't talked to people on AIM, and I haven't had time to write. I'm making time to update very quickly. For posterity.

On Monday I had dinner with Todd. He called me the night before extremely upset; his girlfriend sort of asked to go on a break with him and he had had some sort of strange problems over the weekend (found it impossible to speak, or control his legs). I had dinner with him at West and he told me he might transfer to Philadelphia. I hung out in his room for a little bit (a double, turned into a single when his roomie got kicked out for drinking) and we talked about math mostly, and some music. I decided I should listen to some Radiohead. I gave him all the music I had written (for the most part, lacking a few of the very latest songs).

As he walked me out of the building, we said goodbye, and I looked back at him. I could sort of tell that he was waiting for me to say something else, hanging on my words just a tiny but, but I couldn't think of anything. I think the correct answer was "take care of yourself" or "see you soon," but all I could come out with was "bye" or "later."

He Facebooked me later saying that he liked my music, in particular the song Philadelphia. Not because of what I wrote in the song, but because of how much he likes Philadelphia.

---

On Thursday morning, I wrote a song. This was in part because I had nothing better to do with my lack of having a computer. It's a very very good and catchy song. At least like four people have said it was good so far, including two random dudes in the lounge (a while after I had played it, they asked what "that first song" was), a girl named Louisa, and Steve from drumline. I'm not sure what it'll be called yet but it's going to be INTENSE.

---

On Friday night after drumline ALL I wanted to do was play my song on piano again. But I checked starting at about 12:30 and there was some girl playing the piano. It was a really slow song, plodding, with a chord/double in the left hand and a melody in the right hand, in a mid/high register. I checked back up later, still playing, same girl, sounded like the same song. At one o'clock when I was ready for bed, I checked again, still same girl, same damn song. It wasn't even hard or interesting. It was sort of sad though.

At one point I walked by her to see what she looked like. She had an orange shirt, which made me wonder if she worked in the dining commons. She had blonde hair and she was looking downward with her said sort of tilted, and looked angry. I decided not to talk to her or ask her for the piano.

---

I really hope my computer gets fixed, without having to be reformatted.

---

I'm really mad that drumline might make me miss the last four hours of thon. I'm going to fight to see it.

Peace out.

High G

When I started singing, I had to strain my voice to hit the F below middle C, and I could pretty easily sing a full two octaves below middle C. For a long time I thought my range would top out at about middle C, but I got there a little bit ago, and it's still been going up. Sometimes it makes me feel like less of a man; sometimes I wish I had extended my range downward rather than upward; sometimes I worry that my talking voice is higher now that I've been upping my range rather than lowering it.

Last night at drumline, we couldn't get into the mirrored room in which we normally practice, so we just got our instruments, found a corner anywhere in the Blue Band Building, and practice on our own, individually. I played some warm-ups and played through the show a few times, but got bored of it after a while. You can only play the same thing so many times in a row without someone yelling at you to play it more other than yourself.

After a while I played some songs I felt like playing. "Ain't No Reason" by Brett Dennen is a favorite recently, and I also discovered how to play "Black Balloon" by Goo Goo Dolls on piano yesterday (Friday). So I played that. I had been struggling with the range - I felt like I couldn't do it the way the lead singer did in the song, and that my range wouldn't go high enough. But I figured I'd give it a try and just see how it went.

I was in the corner, facing a glass wall, right near the mirrored room, on its west side, facing South I think. I think Sean was over my right shoulder, and maybe Rich was too, and they were both practicing. At some point in the song, the lyrics go something along the lines of "and scattered like lights from the sun; where was your mind, ye-e-ah" before "coming down, the world's turned over; ..." and the "was" is the syllable on the G, which I thought I couldn't reach.

Somehow, I'm pretty sure that while I was belting it on with the vibraphone, I actually hit that G. I had to scream pretty hard, but I think I got the pitch. It didn't squeak or seem to cause dissonance. It was the highest I'd ever gone. I tried to do it with some other songs, or with longer notes, just a little bit later, but it didn't seem to work. I think I tried that when Alex and Sean were near me, and I think they might have heard me. Or maybe it was actually Matt, the director. It might have been embarassing, but I don't think they know that I'm really a singer at all, and I guess technically I'm not really.

Anyhow, I just thought that was exciting.

Peace out.

tQx

In actuarial science, the symbol tqx is the notation for the probability of somebody dying anytime from the year denoted x and the t years following x. Typically it's given as a function, and typically it turns out that the area underneath the function between 0 and about 110 is 1, which implies that there is a 100% chance that you've died at age 110. So the function might be something like (t)Q(x) = (1/10) * e (-1/10)*x, where x is your age. You have to work with it a lot, and you use it to construct mortality tables, probabilities of dying, and from there you'd calculate how much premiums the group should pay based on their expected lifespan, etc., etc.

Typically the whole concept seems pretty distance, but sometimes our teacher Ron brings it back home. In class, he often gives examples of tQx for something like, "If you have an equal chance of dying every year before 100, and you're all 20 now, when will most of you be dead?" Sixty, of course. And some kids look around the room, like "Holy crap, we're actually dealing with dying people here." Recently he was doing an example, which requires some math to understand, but in case you're unfamiliar I'll explain a little bit. We were working with an operation, and the point is that if you input a number of about 115, the operation will tell you that everyone has died. The question in class was what number to put in to assure everyone had died, and someone responded "infinity." Technically, it's correct, but you don't need to go that high.

Our teacher responded, "Hmm, well, that's certainly safe." He has a way of making everything seem mundane even when it's not, in a good way - he smiles a lot and often stands akimbo and nods just a tad. "Yeah, well... I suppose no one's getting out of here alive," he finished.

Just in case you're interested, your chance of dying can be predicted almost exactly using a really simple equation, with a simple principle. The principle is that as you get older, you get worse and worse at warding off the effects of aging and mortality. The guess was that you get worse exponentially as time goes on. It requires math again, but to explain, the "force of mortality" for you at any moment is e^[.0004 + .00002x^1.103] or so. It seem like low numbers, I know, but if you add it up, it guarantees you're dead by about 111.

It's strange how with all the complexities of life and nature biology, we can figure it all out with five numbers.

Peace out.

T9 Switch

My T9 is one of the ones that learns/remembers the new words that you put in. For a long time when I hit 1-1 and then hit Next twice, it would bring up =), but recently it's switched so that the same button combination brings up =(, and I have to hit next again for it to bring up =). I'm not sure why that is. I don't know if it's because I actually use =( more often than =) recently, or if it just means that one time when it reset its memory, I used =( before =) thus putting it first in the new memory cache. In either case, it's pretty annoying, and if I send you a text with an inappropriate emoticon, this is probably why.

Peace out.

Frustration with Example

Homework in college can get pretty frustrating. Unlike high school, we typically only have homework once per week, but it also typically counts for a lot more of your grade, like 10% or 20%. Also, it's graded a lot more harshly, and it's typically more difficult. Instead of just spending maybe 30 minutes reviewing what you did in class, it's often the main instrument of learning the material (yes, you teach yourself, and it's just through the homework, fun!). Kids usually spend a lot of time on each assignment, and usually there are only about four or five questions, but that can still take many hours. If there are more questions, the grader (who is typically not the teacher) selects a few and grades those and nothing else. For instance, in Math 220H (linear algebra, honors) we would have about 30 problems/week, but only six would be graded. So if you got 29/30 correct and one of those was graded, you got an 83%. Hooray!

Anyhow, I was doing my Math 465 (Number Theory) homework today because it's due tomorrow. One of the problems caused me a great deal of frustration, largely because I spent a lot of time on it, and I learned nothing from it. I wouldn't have minded if I had learned. Let me explain the problem. It'll be fun, I promise, and you'll get to see what super cool math majors do!

So we're working with Greatest Common Divisors (GCDs), which is probably a familiar example. Pick two numbers A and B, and the GCD is the biggest number that divides both of them. If A = 12 and B = 8, the GCD is 4, because no bigger number divides both 8 and 12.

There's a fun fact about this though. If you were to just look at the equation 12*X + 8*Y = E, and pick any X and Y that you wanted as long as they were both whole numbers, you could never make E any smaller than 4. So, the smallest number that you can make E using that set-up is the GCD of those two numbers.

The problem was this: If A*D - B*C = 1, show that the GCD of (A+B) and (C+D) is 1.

So I started on that problem, and thought about it for days, just to let it sit and simmer and see what came up. Basically, nothing did. So tonight when I worked on it, I just tried everything I could. I noticed that it's a linear combination if you write it correctly: A*D + (-C)*B = 1, and thus the GCD of A and B is 1. Hooray? I tried to go further from there but it didn't help me.

Then I ran out of options and looked in one of my old math books to see if there was any help there. There was nothing pertaining to this particular problem, but it DID spark an idea somehow. I figured I'd look at a linear combination of the second part and see if that helped: (A+B)*K + (D-C)*N = M. What I thought I could do is as follows. Assume that M is greater than 1. Thus, the GCD of A+B and D-C is greater than one, and M divides both of them since it's a divisor of both. Since it devides A+B, it divides A and B, and since M>1, the GCD of A and B isn't one - contradiction! But the last step doesn't make any sense, so I gave up on that.

I thought about doing prime decomposition, and I thought I had it there for a while. Then I tried expanding my linear combination, but still nothing.

It ended up that the answer was a trick you learn in high school called "Adding zero." Basically, it goes like this: If you add and subtract the same quantity from the same side of the equation, everything is still the same. Thus, you can say X = Y or you can say X + A - A = Y, because the +A and -A equal zero together. What you had to do was this:

A*D - B*C = 1

A*D - B*C + A*C - A*C = 1

A*D +A*C - B*C - A*C = 1

A(D+C) - C(B+A) = 1

A(C+D) + (-C)(A+B) = 1

Since you have a linear combination of C+D and A+B, their GCD is one.

Okay, fine. It's true, I get it, the GCD is one. The thing is, I didn't learn anything from it - the answer to the problem was a stupid trick you laern in high school that doesn't teach you anything about the methods or insights of number theory. Perhaps there is a tiny bit of somethign to be learned - sometimes you add zero! - but the goal would have been much better served if the instructor had added to the question (Hint: Add and subtract a certain quantity) so that you didn't spend two hours on it.

Anyway, it's late.

Goodnight.

Sodium Pentathol

I realized recently that sodium pentathol's two uses are somewhat interesting to consider:

1) Makes it impossible to feel pain
2) Makes you much more likely to tell the truth

Peace out.

Christine

The summer that I went away to Governor's School, a girl in my grade named Christine L died. She was new to the district and I actually didn't know her when I heard of the accident, but people kept saying someone named Christine in our grade had died, and I was sure I would know who it was. Eventually I found a yearbook with her picture in it, and it turned out I actually hadn't known who she was. I found a MySpace as well, and there were a couple more pictures there. Some of her best friends were some of my acquaintences, and they would write on her wall from time to time even after that day to say they were thinking of her and they missed her. Visiting that page really is heart-breaking. I probably would have liked her a ton from what was on there - she was liberal, talked about how much she loved her friends all the time, into politics, etc...

Today I was in Pollock on the North side, the regular cafeteria, and I went to get some desert or milk or something like that. On the way back, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a face that looked familiar, but I couldn't place it. For just a split second, I thought it was Christine. She looked the same - short blond hair, round cheeks, thin, pretty eyes, smiling. For a split second, I had no idea what it was going on. I was convinced for a moment that she was alive again. A moment later, I realized it was a girl who was in my Stat 200 class last semester, and nothing about the situation seemed so special anymore.

Peace out.

Nose Hairs

It's been so cold recently that, when biking from one class to another for hardly three minutes at a time, the hairs inside my nose freeze. It's very noticeable, unfamiliar, and fairly uncomfortable.

Peace out.

Obama Breakfast

After we watched the inauguration, I drove Hannah, Abby, and Joey to drumline so they could practice folding the floor or something, and Matt took Chloe and Molly to Megan's, where I drove after dropping my passengers off. Chloe drew the Obama symbol on her hand and jumped around with it and her Obama shirt on Smithbridge, and apparently someone honked and one bus-driver turned their head, according to Molly. When I stepped in, a man said to us, "Yeah, how about that Hawaiian president?"

We joked about putting Obama symbols on our food. I tried to put syrup on my waffle in the shape of the Obama symbol, but it didn't really work, although I took pictures of it. Matt put some butter on his pancake's top edge, and then took the syrup as I was about to use it, saying, "I have to put it on before the butter melts," and quickly made an Obama symbol with the syrup as the bottom half, the bottom of the circle and a couple stripes. I took a picture of it, because you could actually tell what it was. He told Molly she should make the word "HOPE" out of her fries, and she did, and I took a picture of that also.

When we were done, Chloe brought $25 up on our $24.49 check or something like that and didn't get change. I asked if she got the change for the tip, and Matt said, "The change we can believe in? Hah, you should have said that." At one point, the waitress noticed that we had overpaid and came to Chloe to give her the change, but Chloe pounded out the correct line, "No it's okay, you can keep the Change We Can Believe In."

Peace out.

N

I watched a video on YouTube recently called "Read a Book (dirty version)" which you can find if you want, which I first found because someone mentioned it in Paul's room, and they showed it to me when I was playing Four Square on their carpet. Gina and I thought it was really funny, and I would sometimes speak in the language in the video because it was funny. They said the word "nigga" a lot, for example. We were walking outside and I said that to Gina at the end of a sentence, and a fraction of a second later a black girl walked around the corner just in front of us, and I felt like a d-bag, even though I'm not racist and didn't mean anything by it.

Peace out.

Trucks

I think I realized this weekend that truck radios and possibly radar detectors can mess up your car radio, which I never noticed before. Some sort of flat bed truck, I think, had something going on that really messed up my radio for about one second when I drove past its cabin. I realized it, and figured it was probably the truck. I was on my way home from Penn State, and passed a truck stop shortly after that, and the radio blipped again. It sounded like something was popping a metallic bubble in the car, if you can imagine that, and it happened far more strongly outside the truck stop than just beside one truck. It happened once more as I passed another truck, but not others. I don't know if something is actually causing it, or if I'm imagining it.

Peace out.

Thief

Yesterday I went to the student bookstore. I bought the full version of my textbook for my Linear Regression class on Sunday; it was enormous and cost $200. The next day I went to class and my teacher told us that we could buy a smaller version that was cheaper and cut out a lot of the information that we didn't need for the course. So I went to the store and bought it.

When I got to the register, it came up as $109, and I paid. I thought that it had said it was $89 for a used book, so I decided to go back and check the price tag hanging near the book to make sure it was right. I knew that I would be walking out without paying for the book again, so I assumed people would assume I was a thief. So, I walked around with the book open and the receipt clearly displayed on its first page. Suddenly I was acutely aware of all the people that were able to watch me - a man on the stairs, just standing there, I realized was a manager - whcih I had never been aware of before. I walked past him and one other older staff member on my way out, and then through the registers, where a young Asian girl said she could take me, but I told her I had already paid. I don't know if she believed me or not but I guess she had no choice. I went to the side to get my backpack back - they take them so you can't stuff books in them - and I realized the girl turned around twice looking at me. I don't know if she was suspicious or if she was just looking around.

The next day I returned the full version to the other bookstore, and bought a calculator, then proceeded to look for the HUB's computer store. I couldn't find it, and I made a big circle around the HUB and walked back in through a different place than I had exited, and the alarm went off. There were sensors lining the entrance, and they made loud beeps and red lights lit up at the top of them. I had the receipt for the calculator with me, and again displayed it clearly. I didn't know what to do, but I felt like I was about to be accused of theft by a manager, so I sort of just waited to be accused. No one came up to me. The only person I saw walking anywhere in my direction was the girl who worked the register when I bought the calculator, so I just walked away.

Peace out.

All-Male Dorm Floors

God's punishment for the non-believers.

Peace out.

Song

You won't know what I'll be feeling, 'cuz you've always asked for a needle and Novacaine
Someday you'll let down your guard; it comes from behind and it hits like a hurricane
I had said I'd wait but I realized that I don't have time for this heart made of cellophane
You said I can't know what you're feeling, but I looked in your eyes and they read like a weathervane

Possibly a chorus of a new song. Just felt like writing it.

Peace out.

Women and Children

It occured to me sometime last night that I'm leaving the group of "Women and Children" that get to jump ship first and don't get shot in hostage situations and am entering the group of "Fighting-Aged Men" that have to go down with the ship and get shot when no one wants to.

Peace out.

Blanket

This morning I woke up sometime before I actually wanted to get out of bed, which happens all the time to everyone I'm sure. I adjusted position, but I didn't realize where I was moving from - my elbow was putting weight on one part of my blanket that I've had since I was born, and my body was putting weight on the closer part of it. So when I moved my body back, my elbow held part of it in place, but my body took the other part with it, giving it a somewhat serious rip. I heard it and I was extremely sad. I don't know how much longer it'll make it. All the corners are looking pretty bad now. Some are worse than others, and I actually couldn't tell which one I ripped today when I look later, but I am afraid it'll all be apart soon.

Peace out.

Just Noticed

That I wrote as many blog entries in the short time between leaving home for Brown and the end of 2007 as I did in all of 2008.

Peace out.

Piano

Playing piano is a lot harder at college than it is at home where I basically have a "private" piano. At school there's one in my dorm room, but the walls are thin so writing a song is embarrassing still. There's one in a study lounge, so it's clear why I don't write there. The other is five minutes' walk away in a basement sound-proof room, which is sort of creepy and frequently occupied, making it usually not worth going. Thus I haven't been able to write songs nearly as much as I used to.

The February of my senior year I think I wrote about 4 songs in four weeks. I haven't written one is five weeks or so at this point (since right before Thanksgiving). I think I still can't write at home because I've lost the "habit" of constant piano playing because of terrible pianoing conditions at Penn State.

It makes me really frustrated, and I would do just about anything in the world to change it. I would kill a man to be able to write songs more frequently. I guess it's something I'll have to work on.

Peace out.

Windows

I've always been sort of afraid of the dark. Not really just darkness, but more like what you can't see because of the lack of light... which I suppose is really a more accurate labelling of being "afraid of the dark." When I was younger - and sometimes even now - I would run up my basement stairs when I turned the lights off at night, fearing something would grab my ankles and drag me down and torture/kill me if I didn't move quickly enough.

Currently my main fear is windows. I'm often afraid something sinister is beyond them. Sometimes when I'm in the basement, I fear a criminal peering into the windows above the pool table. When I put my cereal bowl away at night, I'm afraid that someone with a rifle is positioned in the woods, waiting for someone to stand at the sink to shoot. Right at this moment at this computer, there are two huge windows just to the right of me, and I had to completely cover the one I can see in my peripheral out of fear of something or someone jumping up to it and scaring me to death.

Peace out.

The Last Full Day

There was another false start today. We were told that we'd probably wake up early to go boating, but my dad ended up getting a boat reserved later - at 12:30, so we were allowed to sleep in for a while. At something like 8:30 I detected that something wasn't going to plan so I got up and asked my parents what was going on, informed them I was taking their bed, was informed I would be disturbed, and slept comfortably in a marshmallow until sometime around 10.

Then we just hung around until it was time to go. I had Cheerios, which is the only type of cereal we have. The bowls are very deep and always have way more milk in them than you think when you are done.

I've been entertaining myself in my down time here by reading a topic on the SomethingAwful formus I post at. It's title is "Creepy reads on Wikipedia," and it has people bringing up things anywhere from serial killers to unexplained sounds to things like Cossart to outsider art. By far the most interesting thing that was there was Henry Darger, the most celebrated example of "Outsider Art" there is. You should read the abstract of that Wikipedia article. Seriously, read it. Now.

Congratulations on reading it! Anyhow, I spent a LOT of time reading about all those things. Very informative, though not sure it was worth probably the 4 hours or so to read about all of them.

Anyhow, we went to the Marriott to get our boat (that's where the dock was). We stopped at a convenience store on the way. A guy in a truck that was towing some sort of trailer almost destoyed the car we were in while we were in the parking lot. I got a doughnut which was marked Krispy Kreme but was definitely from Dunkin - a disappointment. My brother and I carried the large blue cooler down the very long dock when we got there, and it took a long time to actually get out of the dock. There was another family there and it seemed they were all renting waverunners. The prep work on our boat wasn't all done by the time we got there and apparently the man that we communicated with had to put some oil in our boat before we set out.

We went out and got to fishing. I didn't really feel like fishing, so I just chilled out with my aviators on and didn't do a whole lot. They caught some small fish - Ryan caught a tiny little one. Then they caught some Jack - possibly the same fish twice? And we also caught some catfish, and they made strange sounds (so did the Jack). We tried a new spot after we drifted down our first path a few times, and we saw porpoises jumping (!) which was pretty cool. There were also other fishing jumping, more in the distance, however. There were a lot of porpoises and they seemed to get pretty close to our boat, but never closer than about 50 feet. Jessica was afraid we would catch one. She was also afraid that we all texted too much and that I wasn't actually a great photographer.

I saw a huge fish jump at the point of land near us at one point and told my dad, and he drove over there. We drifted down that once or maybe twice and caught some fish, my dad thought one was a Pompano but it was just a Jack again. At one point a Jack jumped very close to our boat, in and out of the water twice, the first longer than the second, probably about ten feet horizontal and then about four. It was surprising and I happened to catch it.

My mom made me take a picture of palm trees in our complex earlier because they "look like a mom and pop and child." She also made me take pictures of everyone on the boat, so I took really bad pictures on purpose, and then my sister and mom tried to take good ones, I'm not really sure which are which right now, oh well!

My mom wanted my dad to go somewhere crazy for not a very good reason and we kept running on shallow ground. The first time it was about to happen Ryan said, "You're about to run aground" and then my dad ran aground and was surprised and Ryan said, "Geez, someone should have said something." This happened multiple times and we gave up. We stopped to fly fish for a minute on the way back because we saw two people on one boat with a fish on at the same time, but I don't think we had any luck. There was another boat at our dock when we got back, so we waited a few minutes before pulling in.

There were two girls at the dock that were from the family renting waverunners from before. I was confused why they were there. The rest of the family wasn't there, and one of them had changed clothes but the other hadn't. Were they renting waverunners again on their own? I dunno. My brother and I took the cooler back and we all used the bathroom and drove back to the apartment. I took a shower and read about creepy things. I also had to look up weather for my mom (it will be windy but I lied so she wouldn't freak out) and order pizza from Papa John's because my brother and I didn't feel like Chinese (neither did my dad but he dealt with it). The guy from PJ's said it was very confusing here even for a New Yorker, and I agreed. His name was Doug and he made 3 deliveries, per the receipt.

We went to David's house for dinner again. I couldn't not-touch the guitar anymore, so I asked Wendy if I could touch it, tuned it a tiny bit and played it (I'm not very good though). Everyone else sat down for dinner, but Ryan and I were exiled because we already ate and there wasn't enough room. He watched Two and a Half Men and I read The Great Gatsby, which David is reading to Lucien. He tried it, at least, and said he also read "Be Prepared" to him, which is like a Boy Scouts guide of what to expect for a male who's about to become a parent. It referred to infant behavior that seems contrary to survival instinct as "a sort of baby-version of Jackass." (i.e. flying down stairs, sticking things in sockets, laying face down in every water source possible).

I joined the dinner table after some people left and Jess was mad that I didn't help clean up. I asked Dave about his reading to Lucien and he showed me Be Prepared. I think I went back to the TV area after that and listened to Jenn talk to my sister about marriage - Jenn was glad that she waited to get married because she changed a lot.

When we showed up at David's house, we heard a cat crying from behind a wall of hedges. We looked for it with our cell phone lights but couldn't see it but it kept crying. I told Jess to go to the other side but she wouldn't so I did and it turned out to be Scooter, and it crawled under the hedge into David's yard. Jess didn't even see it scurry away, it was lost in the night, although it came back inside later.

I headed to the kitchen area later and got some Gummi Bears, and then some more gummi bears, and then some more. I talked about the time Jenn accidentally ate the paper part of Fruit by the Foot, after asking Ryan and Jess what the name for that was anyway. We also talked a little bit about my going on Semester at Sea in 2010 and how I was going through "Pirate Alley." Some seemed scared and some thought it was okay, Dad said he only had $2 in the event of ransom and otherwise I was screwed. I said that they'd never been captured so it was okay, but secretly I hoped we were captured by 1600-style pirates, or maybe even 1700-style.

My mom went to print out boarding passes and I went and we talked about Semester at Sea and Barack Obama and his court cases about his citizenship and if David actually had to convince Wendy to vote for him. The printer ran out of paper and I printed my itinerary for SaS. My mom told David about draft mode on the printer, which I first heard about years ago on an NPR segment about sophisticated consumers.

Earlier, young David had made me give him a piggyback ride. I made space shuttle noises and so did he, and I was convinced I didn't want kids because I don't like playing things other than Facts in Fives and pianos.

Jenn and her family left so we said goodbye to all of them. My mom had given them their Christmas present earlier, but they already had the Pokemon DVD game, so we had to find out a way to return it and get them something else. I'm not sure how that was resolved.

Wendy was holding the baby now; Grandmom had it earlier when she was on the rocking chair with him. I showed Wendy where I was going for SaS and she mentioned some places she'd been and that I should get some leather in Alexandria (I think). She said that Hong Kong was like New York but with three times as many people, but I said it was okay because they were 1/3 the size, and she added "and all with jet black hair."

We went home after that and I read more creepy things 'cuz I'm a loser, wrote this, and am now going to sleep.

Peace out!

The Girl in Green

There was a girl at the Marriott Hotel the day we went there for lunch who was sitting alone at a table for a while (later with a younger brother) with black hair, a green bikini swimsuit, and interesting eyes, although I can't remember why. Maybe it was color, or maybe it was shape, but there was something uniquely intense about them. It wasn't particularly attractive or not, but it was striking and you couldn't help but notice if you looked at her. She was probably 18 or something like that.

She was behind me when I sat down at the table. The bar near the food area was playing music, including the song "Suddenly I See." I asked my sister about it; she didn't know who it was by but knew it was the same girl who sang "Black Horse in a Cherry Tree," which was a familiar name but not tune. While the song was playing, the girl in green walked up to the bar without me noticing, and on her way back she was lipping the words to the song. I just happened to be looking in her direction and made eye contact for a fraction of a second while she was lipping. She flashed a smile very very quickly, and then her face returned to normal and she stopped lipping, as if to say, "I mean, I don't actually like that song?" I didn't mean it, but I thing I looked angry at the time because it was sunny and I was squinting and I didn't mean to look at her so I didn't smile or stop looking possibly-angry, and I kind of felt like I ruined her fun for the moment.

Peace out.

Third Day in Florida

On the second day my Grandmom had a delusion that we were supposed to eat breakfast at her house, and we saw that she bought materials when we went to use her bathroom so we agreed to eat there the next day.

I woke up next to my sister and apparently my mom woke me and was wearing my green Brasil jacket (which contained my Aviators) and I just said, "MY JACKET" and apparently dreamed she had been wearing it the previous night. Then I guess I woke up and got ready to go, and we walked over at about 9:30. My grandmom said we were very punctual.

We were afraid she would make the batter too thick so I handled the batter with a little help from Jess, and Jess tried to cook at first but they kept getting burnt so I took over. They turned out all fine but I thought some of them were mushy in the middle and they were "wheat honey" pancakes rather than just plain pancakes, so that wasn't great. My parents came at the end of breakfast after we had helped clean up a little bit and talked to my grandmom about moving and her whole ordeal and basically ordered her to keep it colder in her apartment. It was weird. We were about to go shopping and Jenn and her family were going to come for a spaghetti lunch; Grandmom kept trying to leave with us but after a while we got it through that she had to stay to have lunch with the rest of them.

The walk to and from Grandmom's was very wet because it rained the night before. I walked barefoot through the grass and my dad said it could have lizards and snakes and he was serious.

We went to the stores a tiny bit later and my mom saw a jewelry store where she could get her watch battery replaced. It was decorated from Christmas and it had very gawdy jewelry that Mrs. Rock would have loved. The couple running the store was from Brooklyn and an old customer walked into their store down here and was surprised. They moved because of the weather (the owners, that is). We asked how long a drive it was to Kennedy Space Center - about 90 minutes, they agreed.

We kept walking by the shops. My dad asked what 3 Rednecks was because it was headlining one of the places; my sister and I figured it was a band or a show. It was very hot and I kept feeling tired and just a little bit sick to my stomach, and I was just not in a very great mood. We went into some stores looking for gifts or sunglasses and were mostly disappointed. One store we stayed in for a while was April Daze; I look at "Porn for Women" which had muscley men doing things like cleaning a cat litterbox with talk bubbles saying things like, 'Nothing better than cleaning up after the cutest things on four legs.' The shop owner said, "THAT'S SO FUNNY YOU'RE READING THAT MOST PEOPLE ARE AFRAID!!!" which drew the attention of my dad to the fact that I was reading Porn for WOMEN, which was a little bit awkward. I think my sister got some journals for her students there.

There was one shop with two very small dogs in it of the owners' and they were very cute, but we left quickly.

There was one shop with a peace-sign shirt that I liked but it was for girls. They also had things that let water fall down glass that you put up against a wall that I like so much, but they were prohibitively expensive, ruining my plans to line my entire house with them.

After that we looked for a place to get lunch. Burger King's broiler was broken, so we went to McDonald's, and I got chicken. I took a long time to eat because I took the fried part off, and I ended up not even being done eating when everyone else was, so I had to rush and eat a little bit of the fried part, too.

We were supposed to go to Sea World that day but it was a long drive and expensive and no one really cared enough to go, so we went to a local Florida Oceanographic Institute instead with Jenn and her family. We got in free. My sister spilled some soda on the car floor. We looked at sting rays and then went on a nature trail walk and I talked to Jenn about the movie Milk and things at Brown and politics and how people called her husband Dead an "Obamacan" and that she was proud to have converted him, which I thought was sort of funny. We walked back to the stingray pool to watch a program on them and then you had an opportunity to feed them because they had been de-barbed, but it was too slow for me so I lost attention and wandered to other things. There was a hermit-crab-finding-its-shell game, a starfish pool, and a help the turtle find its way to the sea game. We checked the gift shop and then I checked out the indoor part and then we left for the Shell Beach.

(We saw bathtub beach the day earlier; it was guarded by a shallow reef and had very calm water)

Shell Beach was largely eroded and had huge coral/rocks sticking out everywhere which was very painful. Richard danced on them which was dangerous and he didn't seem to understand why. We drove down to a nice beach while Jenn/Jess/Mom/youngkids walked to the nice beach, about a half-mile down. We hung out there for a little while and then went back to our hotel and showered and watched TV before going to dinner at a place called Dolphin Bar.

The wait was very long. First we went to the gift shop but there was nothing I liked, so I went back and saw my dad at the desk buying a giftcard for the Brandt's (since we're staying in their apt). He told me there was a lot of history and to check out the pictures, so I did, they were of people I didn't know, including some girl named Florence whose last name I forget (it started with an L) and letters from Ronald Reagan and an old couple sitting beneath a picture of Richard Nixon and lots of other people I didn't know. My mom made my dad buy her a really gawdy silver/stone beachy bracelet for her big Christmas gift since she's impossible to shop for and he hadn't gotten her anything big. She liked it, and liked that she got it cheaper than his website said it was worth (she checked at home). There was a book on the table of letters from kids in a JD Parker 4th Grade class to someone who got them a class subscription to Cousteau's Kids, which apparently had stuff about albino dolphins, beluga whales, and pollution in its September and October issue. The kids wrote well but used the word "elated" to describe their reaction to the magazine with surprising frequency.

I texted when I got bored. My sister was about to make us play the Name Game when our table was called (the one about people's initials) and my dad was getting really impatient. My mom didn't like the table so we got another one that she liked about 5 minutes later. I got chicken and chocolate cake, and we fed bread to a bunch of catfish that were hanging around the dock at the back of the restaurant. When I got back, I mostly read SomethingAwful's topic on creepy reads from Wikipedia, then came here.

Peace out.

The Second Day in Florida

Hint! Don't read this if you want me to have stories to tell you when I get back :-P

I slept on the couch the first night here. It has a hard-wood frame, but there are cushions on all three dimensions so I thought I might be able to sleep on it. My parents got one bed, my brother the only other, and my sister took the aerobed because I had been tired earlier and thought I'd be able to sleep on the couch. I remember watching some SNL before going to bed, including the episode where Ben Affleck hosted and played Keith Olbermann and apparently Obama actually made a guest appearance, but I was hoping to fall asleep long before he would actually be in the show, so I changed the channel to something else, though I forget what.

It turned out falling asleep was a lot harder than I thought. I had two blankets and an extra pillow, but I could not figure out what combination of them was right, and I didn't have my own baby blanket. I tossed and turned most of the night and didn't get a very good sleep.

We were supposed to get up and go see relatives and possibly fish at the beach at something like 8AM or maybe a little later, but I think somehow my parents could tell that none of us were very well rested. They woke me up when they got up because the couch is right near the kitchen and etc., and I said, "Do we have to go now?" And they said that the kids could sleep a while longer but they were going to go out until about 10:30, so I wrapped myself up (wearing only my underwear) in one of the blankets I had, trudged to my mom and dad's INCREDIBLY SOFT BED, and disappeared in the marshmallow-like mattress for the next few hours. Apparently my sister tried to find me in it and could hardly see me poking up between the folds in the mattress and pillows. I remember before going there, though, my mom said something about getting doughnuts, which I was pleased to find when I woke up for real. I had one (Dunkin Donuts), chocolate with sprinkles. My sister pointed out that the box spelled it "HOLIDDAYS" but we concluded it was to match with "DD" for Dunkin Donuts.

We got our sunscreen on and our swimsuits and went to the beach. It was warm outside, but it was windy and the water was a bit cold - probably high sixties - and wind+coldish water is never a very fun combination, so I didn't go in. My dad and his brother fished a lot, and David caught a few whiting fish. He was using shrimp as bait, which he said wasn't a great choice from an economic standpoint, but you got very fresh fish. They also used sand fleas as bait, which were little crab things they caught by skimming the sand in the shallows. David was going to keep the extras by boiling them for 45 seconds and them freezing them. Jessica tried to cast the rod a few times but was not very good at getting it far out.

Richard and David played in the water a lot, but not so much the older kids. It was a very nice day outside, incredibly blue everywhere. My dad chatted up a passing family with the bucket of sand fleas we had collected, it reminded me of how personable he can be if he feels like it. I took a picture of him chatting them up. We buried the youngest David (my cousin, not uncle) in the sand up to his head and he dug himself out and then rinsed himself off with my sister's help. My uncle David showed us how to fit a 13' fishing rod in your truck.... pop the trunk window open and close it lightly on top of the rod and hope it doesn't break.

After that, my parents took us on a tour of the island, I think it's called Hutchinson Island. It wasn't incredibly impressive, but it was nice, I guess. There's all different types of water everywhere - rivers, oceans, bays, inlets, whatever. We were looking for a beach called Avalon but we never found it, and just turned around to go back and maybe find something to eat. We ended up eating at the Marriott which, in this town, is just a RIDICULOUS resort with way too much space and its own golf course and beach and etc. When we showed up it was really busy, and one woman was reserving a number of tables for her party of 15, and my mom yelled at me to grab one table the second the party of four that had been occupying it left it. Even after we sat down, it took about 15 minutes to get a waiter, and ended up taking at least an hour to get our food after that. We came in at about 1:15 and didn't get out until 2:30, which was when we were supposed to meet our family at the pool back at our complex.

So we drove back there after food and showered off the salt and sand, but then we all needed to go to the bathroom, so my siblings and I went to our grandma's apartment to use the bathroom (she lives in the same complex) and then convinced her to walk to the pool with us. Then the kids all went swimming with Richard and young David. We played tag. My mom's camera had a lens error sometime during our swimming after my dad touched it, and my mom asked me to fix it but I couldn't, so I became her official photographer. We tried to throw Richard but it didn't work very well; Ryan could do it best alone. David didn't want to be thrown. We did handstands in the pool. After a while I got a headache and wanted to go back, but my mom made me wait until my dad could drive me even though we lived ten seconds away, so I had to wait for all the kids.

I took a nice long shower when I got back because it helps when I have this type of headache (sun and temperature changes and swimming/chlorine) and my mom and sister yelled at me for using hot water when we had a small tank, which I didn't know. We basically sat around until it was time to go to my uncle David's house for dinner. I can't remember what we did in between, I'm sure we just watched something on TV.

Apparently we stopped at a beach and I took some pictures when we drove to the tip of the island. I also remember unloading my pictures after my shower to clear up my memory card, since I think it's only 256MB.

The sky was really pretty when we drove to David's. We took my grandmom's car because we took her, so that was six people, which is too much for one car. When we showed up my mom made me show Wendy how to do things on her new camera, not against my will, but probably against Wendy's. My mom basically was like "HERE LET JEFF SHOW YOU COOL THINGS." It took a while but I figured out how to do color accent on her camera. I remember House was on TV. When I showed up, the first thing I did was pet their very very very very very fluffy and dark black cat named Scooter under their table for a while, and then Wendy gave me a cat comb to make it better. He rolled on his stomach; it was very cute.

We had dinner of Pompano fish, which my uncle David had said were great for eating earlier in the day and said he was really excited to cook for us. It was pretty good, and we all sat together at the same time, except for baby Lucien, who was sleeping, but cried at the very end of dinner. My sister took care of him, but then after a while Wendy's mom (Cathy?) took care of him instead. The conversation seemed to split in two then between men and women, but as usual, I favored the women. I think my dad and David were talking about fish, which I couldn't take. The women were talking about motherhood which was sort of interesting. Cathy also talked about the years people were born (Wendy, David and I are all year of dragon), and we talked some about music and math and a kid they knew named Leon who was an actuary and wealthy in Hong Kong. At some lull in the conversation we all went to the other room but I forget why.

Oh, we watched the Eagles game earlier and they destroyed the Cowboys. Also, I remember looking for the bread from dinner after dinner was over, and getting a cup of cold water dispensed from INSIDE the refridgerator, which was very strange. I also found out Wendy had a facebook and said I would friend her, which I did today.

When we went back home, I drove because I didn't drink anything, and after that I think we pretty much just watched Family Guy and House and went to bed. I slept with my sister this time.

Oh, my Aunt Jenn stayed in her hotel that day because she was very tired - her kids have tons of energy. Also, I was without sunglasses because I left them in my coat pocket, and I left my coat at David's house.

Peace out.

The Day We Arrived

My dad gave each of the siblings a $10 bill before we went to the airport because we'd get there around lunch time and he told us we should use it to get something to eat before we got on the plane. At about 11:25 I asked when the plane would board if we were leaving at 12, and it turned out it was boarding at 11:30, so we all got up to get food. I couldn't find much that I liked except a tiny candy shop with a small pack of three peppermint patties, so I bought that. I paid for it with my $10 bill and it cost $.89, so the change was $9.11, which was great, considering I was about to fly. My mom is TERRIFIED of flying and I considered showing her the receipt or telling her, but then decided against it.

Earlier in the day I had been texting Gina and we realized that it was the one-year anniversary of Sarah's after Christmas party, which was the day that we were blessed with the Best Txt Ever.

The man sitting next to me was old, very wide and big but not fat, had a full head of hair despite his age, and dark and somewhat leathery skin. His wife sat in front of him because US Airways separated them, as it had separated my family, so I also sat alone. I had a window seat, and the man had the center seat. He tried to take an empty seat by his wife, but then a commanding woman came from first class and said "Oh No, They Gave Me That Seat" and made the man go back and sit in the middle next to me. She was a jerk. The man didn't have much respect for my personal space and his elbows crowded me the whole time. His feet were in place but he spread his legs out at the knees, so that crowded me too. I spent the whole time reading Newsweek for the Hi-Q team but didn't even finish. We spent a lot of time on the tarmac, too. I also took a lot of pictures, and discovered that my camera DOES have a long exposure setting!

There were also some asshole teenagers on the plane sitting behind me, somewhere near my sister. Apparently they talked about some friend's mom being hot and made the mom in front of them angry, and she told them they were dirty-mouthed and inappropriate. Apparently there was a disagreement over the possible meanings of the word "stud." Apparently she talked to a flight attendent about them and that angered them even more (she sat right in front of them), and they accosted her further after that. My sister loudly said "THEY SOUNDED LIKE ASSHOLES" behind them as we walked off the plane and one of them heard her, which was the goal.

I ate all my peppermint patties on the plane, faster than I had expected. They didn't make a very good lunch so I was very hungry by the time we got off and it took forever to unboard. I bought a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos when we got off because I am a gross person.

My parents were sort of irritable the whole day, which usually happens. My dad really hates airports and my mom hates flying and she hates when things don't go perfectly according to plan, which happened when Enterprise didn't give us the kind of rental car that she asked for. Even though the Jeep we got is perfectly fine, she was still upset and angry about it. I wish that she wouldn't be like that, I wish she would be more like me, No-Drama Obama.

...

We went to a place called Shrimper's for dinner because my mom wanted fish dip, which my brother thought was hilarious. I got a chocolate milk so it was good. I wondered if I should still buy an apartment at PSU because of the market conditions, figuring a depression would completely sink me if I couldn't find renters. My dad talked about why he got out of the deal (on a technicality) for the property he had bought in Florida. We also caught my sister up on another divorce in the 'family'. My dad's brother is getting one, and my mom's best friend (who we call my aunt) is getting one. This is the one whose son drowned, if you are familiar. It's really sad, but apparently this often happens to couple whose only child dies, I don't know.

When we were at Shrimper's I took off my Brasil jacket and was wearing my Change We Can Believe In shirt beneath it. My sister and I went to the bathroom at the same time and apparently people were arguing about Obama at the bar, and my sister wondered if I had instigated it with my shirt. We had come across an Obama-mania booth earlier at the Philly airport, staffed by an Asian girl who smiled sheepishly at me when I did to her, after my sister pointed it out to my Obama-obsessed mom.

I took a picture of my food at Shrimper's because it was chicken tenders but I took off the tender and just ate the chicken, and by tender I mean the bread parts. My sister said I would post it on Facebook and it would be embarassing, but I never do that, but now I might and tag the picture with her so she'd be embarassed.

We were driving around Florida and talking about Christmas lights on the way to one of the houses (Fred's, where we are staying, or David's, my uncle whom we are visiting) and my brother and dad talked about white and blue christmas lights. They said it means you don't really believe, and my brother said, No, it's not like they spell it out. My dad said, "That's what blue lights spell if you really look closely, 'I Hate Jesus'." Which was out of character for him, and thus very funny.

Wendy plays guitar, which is really cool. She's my Uncle David's wife. The baby is really cute and my grandmom loves holding it, which is equally cute. Everyone liked my Obama shirt, which was very nice. Jenn, the sister of David and my dad, has apparently done a great job of liberalizing her children. They referred to Sarah Palin as "A STUPID IDIOT!!" and Richard apparently threw a baseball at her when she was on TV. For reference, he is 10 and his brother is 8. They were also disappointed that their public elementary school voted went for McCain when the kids were asked to vote.

We played tag outside and my uncle Dave talked about how this place is a blast from the past, telling a story about getting Wendy's very old knives sharpened at a blade sharpening specialty shop right from the 1950s. Her father was a butcher, or maybe grandfather. I tried to use my long exposure but the stars weren't shining strong enough, or the other lights were too strong.

Peace out.

---

My heart sort of sank when I turned off the Christmas lights on the tree just a minute ago.

Peace out.

Hurricane

Hurricanes come up the east coast all the time but it's only every couple of years that a good one makes it all the way up to the Jersey shore. When it happens, adults freak out and kids get all excited because the waves look crazy, the ocean looks angry, skies look dark and the wind is incredible.

In Avalon, we're doubly lucky because we have some safe spots to view the hurricane from on the North part of the island, near 9th and 10th street. As it turns out, streets with higher numbers were put underwater by storms long ago. So much for safe, eh? But anyway! There are public bulkheads at the east ends of those streets near the inlet, and there are beaches and large rocks beneath them. The tide from the storm always covers up the little beaches, and the fierce waves are then free to crash directly on the rocks below the bulkhead, sending walls of water over the solid metal guardrail. Whenever there's a good hurricane, kids gather at the bulkhead and wait for a good wave to come, crashing onto the rocks and sending a thick wall ten feet over the guard rail and then crashing down on the kids, who scream, get soaked, and run away. Sometimes reporters come and videotape it for the news. Sometimes the streets flood and parents decide it's time to go home.

One time a hurricane came up the coast and my mom suggested my brother go "parasailing" with its wind. In this context, that means taking two broomsticks, tying a bedsheet between them, putting on rollerblades, and letting the wind blowing into the sheet carry you at crazy speeds with no effort. So we actually did it - my brother and I were both pretty good skaters. We got two brown broomsticks and went out on one of the big, long, deserted streets in Avalon with our pink bedsheet sail and went probably twenty or more miles per hour on our blades. Stopping was always the scary part. "What do we do?!" I asked Ryan the first time we did it, totally scared. He told me, "Come'ere," and he put out his hand for my broomstick, so I handed it to him and he put them together, killing the sail and letting us come to a stop. We did it a few more times, and my mom might have a videotape of it.

Our friend McKenzie who lived in Avalon wanted to try it to, so she put on her skates and gave it a try with my brother. They went about as quickly as my brother and I had before, but she didn't know how to stop, and wasn't as good at skating as I was, and I think she fell and hurt her legs at the end.

Peace out.

Twister

When the movie Twister came out (a long time ago, I think I was in first grade or so), my whole family went to see it. If you're not familiar, the plot of the movie is basically that a bunch of different teams are trying to get their devices to the center of a tornado and prove that its the best for prediction purposes. So they basically just chase tornados the whole movie and get really close so they can put their inventions into them.

About halfway through the movie or so, I started having some sort of crisis. I don't even remember how it came on. In any case, I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe, feeling like no matter how deeply I breathed in I couldn't fully satisfy the need for air, and that (this is the weird part) the responsibility for directing breathing was consciously mine for the first time. I felt like up to that point, breathing was always automatic, and now it was up to me forever, and I wondered if I would die when I slept. I did have trouble going to sleep that night.

Anyhow, I started freaking out in the theater, though not loudly, but my dad sitting next to me noticed. I'm pretty sure I got off my seat and went to the floor with my panic - the cold of movie theater floors seems to make me feel better when I feel sick. Another time I got very sick in the middle of Castaway, and went to the cold floor of the theater minutes before throwing up in the bathroom. After getting on the floor in Twister, my dad just took me outside and we sat on the curb of AMC Painter's Crossing until the movie finished, and I suppose I told him I was afraid I couldn't breathe, and he told me that everything was fine.

The whole thing was just sort of surreal, that I actually had a moment where I realized that breathing was sometimes under conscious control and sometimes not, and I went into a panic about it. I also had a moment where I realized that the nape of your neck caves inward just a tiny bit for the first time when I was about five, and I freaked out, cried, and tried to blame the woman who had just cut my hair (thankfully I was home already).

My brother insists that I was just scared by the movie, but it really wasn't a scary movie.

Peace out.

Christmas Eve

When I was younger, I remember I asked my sister if people worked on Christmas Eve. She said yeah, and I remember being really surprised. Then I remember asking her if bosses asked all the atheists to work around Christmas so everyone else could celebrate, and then I also asked if it applied to anyone who didn't celebrate Christmas, like Jews or Hindus. For some reason, Dunkin Donuts is explicity tied to this memory, and I don't know why. I think maybe we went there around Christmas, or I assume everyone working there is Indian (terrible person, I know, going straight to hell) and therefore is an example of a place not effected by Christmas celebration.

I went to the mall today for shopping and was reminded of this because - terrible person going straight to hell - an Indian woman was working somewhere in Boscov's when we entered. Actually, today in general made me feel bad for all the people that had to work today. The woman that checked us out at B&N was clearly old enough to have a family and was wearing reindeer ears, and I would have liked for her to be with her family, I think. Same for everyone else (as long as they wanted to be). Jess pretty much summed it up when we were finding a parking spot on our way over and said "You know, Christmas pretty much sucks when you're an adult."

I guess it does but I like to think it'd feel better again if it would snow.

Peace out.

Money

For the first time, today I finally spent somewhat significant amounts of money (to someone my age) for gifts to friends, without doing secret santa or whatever. I guess I finally realized that I have more than I need right now, and I definitely don't have anything better to spend it on. It felt good, actually.

Peace out.

Soco Amaretto Lime

Chloe and I listened to Soco Amaretto Lime tonight when I was taking her home from Nicki's pit reunion. I had asked her if she heard it on the way there, but we didn't have time to listen until the ride home. I told her the story, about Baccalaureate and Pat Dawe singing it, and his friends standing up and singing later. I sang softly up till the end, because I wanted to sing but didn't want to ruin the song for her. I thought her eyes looked different near the end, but I wasn't sure until after the song was over. I told her the rest of the story, about the parties and singing at the end, and I teared up a bit too. I asked her if she was sad, and she said yes, about everything, and missing things, and I said I was too. I tried to make it a little bit better by remembering that at least we had something worth missing and being sad over. I suspect we were both still a bit upset by the time we got to her house, and it probably would have been nice just to talk to my friend a bit longer 'cuz what better is there to do but it was late and it seemed someone in her house was looking for her, ending a conversation a bit too early, I think.

Peace out.

Christmas Light Driving

When I was a junior in high school, Erin and I went to look for Christmas lights. It was in my dad's old Q45 that he gave to me. I'm pretty sure it had a big dent on the side by that point, and things were going to get much worse with it soon. We drove around the neighborhood, and perhaps the neighborhood next to ours, and made our way down Kirk Road. At some point, I think we turned into Devon's neighborhood, and then I think we turned into Wasiq's neighborhood because we knew there was that one house in there that was always INCREDIBLY lighted.

We didn't know how to get out of his neighborhood, though (we didn't know he lived there at the time...), and I guess we came out on Naamans Creek Road, and I guess I made a right turn. It turned out this was the opposite direction of home, and ended up taking us toward Kacey and Steph's neighborhood, which I think I was familiar with by that time.

It's a left turn into the neighborhood, and it comes up a hill. Erin was in the passenger seat. I put on my signal and slowed down to make the turn, everything looked fine, so I went. Out of nowhere, I saw headlights.

Crap.

They're coming fast. I remember seeing them and immediately fearing that I was about to get Erin killed. I don't remember thinking anything at all except for some appropriate obscenities, but I suppose I was aware enough somehow to floor it, and we made it into the neighborhood safely.

Once we got in, I just about died. I remember I freaked out. Things feel sort of light when this sort of freak out happens, and I don't feel nauseaus, but more like I'm about to pass out. Sometimes I get dots in my vision, coming in from the side. My legs feel almost out of control, although they don't shake. I'm just afraid that I can't control them. I had pulled over, I think, because I didn't want to drive around like that.

I forget if Erin realized how scared I was of what just happened or not. I think she did. I wanted to go home after that, and I think we basically went right back. I never would have forgiven myself if I had gotten her hurt that night. I'm ten times more cautious about that hill now.

Peace out.

How Tests Should be Taken

I took my Econ 002 final exam today in the Eisenhower Auditorium, which fits over 1,100 kids, since my instructor for that class actually teaches about 1,100 kids. We waited outside for a while, and then went in a line into the auditorium. A guy used a clicker to count how many of us went in, and we were given a scantron by another girl at the door. We waited to go into the rows of the auditorium, and since the chairs didn't have writing boards, we were given hard tablets to write on. The shadows from the lights made it really distracting to fill in the circles on your sheet.

When we were done, we had to go up to the auditorium stage on the right, get our ID checked against the ID we put on the paper, then hand our scantron and test book to another person. I finished my test and got in line to hand my test in. It took me about five minutes just to get to the back of the line, because it went to the very back of the auditorium and people couldn't "curl around" anymore. It took me another ten minutes to get to the front of the line and hand in my test. By the time I got up, the line was wrapping around the entire many-thousand people auditorium. It's possible the line went out the door of the auditorium shortly after.

The whole time I just kept thinking to myself, ironically, "Yeah, this is how tests should be taken."

Peace out.

Sharon

One Saturday night last year after a drumline practice, everyone went to Sean's apartment southeast of campus to hang out for a little bit. We watched Family Guy movie and maybe something else, but I forget what. I think Sean's roommates came in and out, and I think at least one was a girl, but I could be wrong.

I guess it was nearing the end of the season, and people were wondering who was going to do it again next year and who wouldn't join. I think I was asking Brooke, the pianist, one of my better friends that year, if she was going to be there next year. She said probably not. One of the reasons was she was afraid Tollie wouldn't be there, and the other was she feared she couldn't afford it.

Sharon was one of our older members, I think she aged out. She'd done a lot of corps and lines before. She overheard, or was in our conversation. She was standing at the end of the kitchen, holding a drink in her hand, in the low light. When she heard what Brooke said, she very forcefully said, "Do NOT let money stop you from doing anything. I swear to god. The ONLY thing that matters is the memories you have with people."

Peace out.

Pictures that make you wanna say FUCK YEAH

Some animal pictures that make you wanna whip our your switchblade comb, take a Lucky Strike from your pocket and nod to yourself, FUCK YEAH. Thanks to the guys at SomethingAwful.

Peace out!

Drumline Weekend

My last final is on Friday. I've gotten over the frustration of having to stay here all week as my friends leave. But I still have drumline on Saturday and Sunday, so I have no chance at all to go home until December 21st, when some of my friends have now been home for 5 days. I'm getting really upset, because I miss my friends a lot, and Christmas is going to feel extremely rushed because I'll only have three days to do shopping and to enjoy the season. I really want to be home, so I can have a fireplace, and my own piano.

Peace out.

Springfield Party

There was a party for Springfield Thon this weekend, Saturday night around 8. I knew my friends were going to a comedy improv show for Full Ammo before then, so I hung around working on a new website for my music until about 10. I think that it was about then I set out for the party. I wasn't sure exactly where I was going, but I found the building. I walked in at the same time as Jackie and a male friend of hers - she's a family chair for us. I looked for the stairs, but couldn't find them, so I took the elevator with the two of them. I actually wasn't sure who she was or where she was going exactly until when we got out of the elevator and headed for the same room numbers.

The first room I went into was 310. Some kids were playing a drinking game when I went in, I think, and it was very very very crowded and very small. I didn't know many people and I sort of felt uncomfortable. I made my way further into the apartment and Liz Fin came inside and noticed me, so we talked. She asked me what was going on, but my life has been lame recently, and she talked to me about her life for a little bit. She said she was leaving soon, and I said I probably was too, but I was going to check out the other room first.

So I went to 309. I think the first person I noticed was Mike, so I walked behind the kitchen and asked him how it was going, and he said good. I remember noticing a girl somewhere near him, but I forget who and why. I saw Dana dancing - one of the many people dancing, most of the girls wearing antlers for the holiday theme - and she excitedly said hello, so I did as well. I felt pretty uncomfortable because this room was essentially nothing but dancing; the music was much louder than the other room, and it was probably even more crowded. I saw a lot of kids I knew, mostly freshmen. I told Dana I wasn't sure I was going to stay very long, but that maybe I'd go to the other room before I left, and she said she'd go with me. So we went, but it was as strange as before, so she grabbed my hand and took me back out of the room and said that everyone would want me to say hi.

So I went with her to 309 again for a little bit and said hello to some people. Satbyol hugged me, and I said hey, how are you to whoever I knew that I saw. Matt was dancing with his shirt off. I said that I was probably going to go, and Dana looked disappointed. I think she was trying to make sure that I had a good time, and felt like she didn't do a good enough job. It's really not her fault, I'm just not the kind of guy that can have a good time at parties like those.

I took the elevator down again, and Jackie and her friend got in with me. We talked about Springfield, and parted ways at the road.

Peace out.

A Terrible Week with My Bike

My bike wheels had been getting really flat, so I brought it inside on Tuesday to inflate the tires. Using a tiny pump that my dad got me before I went to Brown, I tried to inflate the wheels in the stairwell of Simmons because it was too cold to do it outside. People passed by and wondered a bit what I was doing, but I guess they figured it out. At some point, putting the pump onto the air spout thing completely deflated my rear wheel, so the bike was totally useless 'till I got it fixed. Then the air spout thing receded into the bike. FML, as I like to say.

So I brought it to my room and got the spout out using some tweezers, but still had no luck with the reinflation. Dana helped me look up what to do on the internet and it was still no help. I called my dad to ask him, and he said to try for another pump, 'cuz mine might be broken. So I did; Dan had one that didn't fit my outlet, but Matt had one that did, and it actually worked, so I got my bike back on Thursday, I believe.

On Friday morning, my lock was frozen shut. I've written about this before. I slammed some ice out of the lock, but still no luck. Somewhat self-consciously, I spit on it figuring that spit is warm, and it'd melt whatever was jamming it. I waited a few seconds and - surprisingly, embarassingly almost - it worked.

As you might know, my flash drives are on my keychain, and when I was handling the lock, my keys fell out of the hole and my flash drives slammed on the ground, and the harddrive of one fell out onto the wet ground. FML. I put it back together and decided to pay more attention to it once I got to class. So I put the lock on properly, and got ready to go.

I have to put my pedals in place before I get on the bike, and as I kicked them into place, the chain popped off.

So I locked up my bike and walked to class. I haven't put the chain back on yet.

Peace out.

16 Things

A Facebook thing was going around recently where you were supposed to tell 16 things about yourself. I didn't really feel like doing it, but I figured it was a good excuse to spend time thinking about memories I'd sort of been meaning to write down but couldn't force myself to. Anyhow, here you go, all completely true to the best of my knowledge:

1. I went to pre-school at Elam Love & Learn, which is on Smithbridge Road, basically across the street from Bruster’s, just next door to Megan’s. In the mornings sometimes we would fold a piece of paper into nine squares and write the same letter in each square. Sometimes we’d have time to play, and there was a girl named Alex that I “liked” and usually played with. One time we were playing with wooden blocks and we made a ‘stretcher’ out of them and laid me on it, as if I were hurt, and a kid named Dave asked if he could play too. We thought he was weird because he pretended to be a vampire, and we stuck our tongues out at him, and he cried and got us in trouble. This is my first clear memory.

2. I almost drowned sometime before I was in about third grade. There was an old beach house (condominium) that we had in Avalon on the bay, and there was a bulkhead in the front, and a dock below it that would rise and fall with the tides. You could jump from the bulkhead to the dock line if you wanted to, but sometimes the jump could be eight feet or more. Once, on a cold day, I was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants outside in the evening and I jumped from the bulk to the dock, but I couldn’t stop my momentum, and I feel in the water. I started screaming because I was scared and my clothes were heavy. My dad happened to be on the dock at that moment, and ran over and pulled me out. I went inside and took a warm bath for a while. My sister and her friend Becky checked to make sure I was okay (must have had a swimsuit on). I might have died if my dad hadn’t been outside.

3. The first song that I ever legitimately learned on piano was Do You Hear What I Hear. After my first piano lesson with Mrs. Pino, I went home with my mom and played through the first bit of it over and over and over and over again, and she sat there patiently as I messed up over and over and over and over again. I think I was in fourth grade. If I had kept up that kind of determination, I’d have been the best piano student of all time. Unfortunately, I started being told to play songs I didn’t want to play. I quit on and off until 9th grade. The reason that I started playing piano seriously again was because of the version of “Best Imitation of Myself” on Ben Folds Live, which my sister made me listen to in the car one day for basically no reason at all. Thank god for it.

4. I used to post on the forums at GameFAQs.com a LOT. There was a discussion board called The Forum, mostly for political and “philosophical” discussion, that I frequented. There were a bunch of other regulars – Ryoko, an Asian woman, Chemocles, a nice married dude, ghost sgt, an old cynic with three daughters, propheticfiction, who I think cut up birds, yars, who was hilariously sarcastic at all times, Polemos and Epistemizer, who wrote 2,000 word long posts when everyone else wrote five sentences. I never told my age but everyone knew I was The Young One. It was nice to sort of have a second ‘group of friends’ like that, and that you could always debate with but still like, ‘cuz it’s just the internet. Over time the board got taken over by people we didn’t like, and I tried to make another board for us to post at, but it fell apart too. It was actually a good time in my life, and I would enjoy if I could find something like it again.

5. One time when I was in second grade, I got on the school bus and didn’t realize that I hadn’t brought my backpack. My teacher was Mrs. Hopkins, who was very very nice. Back then, I was really really uptight, and sort of mean. When I got closer to school, I somehow realized I didn’t have my backpack, and I got *incredibly* nervous. I walked into class and tried to contain myself, but before the first bell even rang I felt sick. By the time all the kids were out of the hallway, I had asked Mrs. Hopkins if I could go to the nurse, and she let me – I think I was very pale. I threw up in the hallway before I made it there, I think right in front of the library at Concord Elementary School. Yes, I was so nervous about forgetting my backpack that I threw up. Mrs. Hopkins didn’t even care I forgot it.

6. We used to play football every day during recess in middle school. I can’t remember everyone there, but Greg Davis, Sean Haggerty, John Kernicky, Paul Skulski, and a whole bunch of other kids would play. I was okay, I usually got picked in the front half of the daily draft of teams. I could run forever. I was always the one that brought the football. The last days of 6th grade were kind of confusing and I didn’t know when we’d have recess and when we wouldn’t, but I thought that it ended a certain day, so I didn’t bring my ball the next day. Turns out it was a perfect day, and we had recess. Sean Haggerty got really angry at me, I remember he pushed me while saying, “We’re not gonna play football on the last recess of our young lives.” I sort of knew I screwed up, but it really wasn’t that big a deal. I forget what we did instead.

7. I had a couple online journals before chemicalroad. The first one was actually on livejournal, but I’m not giving the link to that because it’s terrible. I started that one because a girl who liked me asked me to and I did it because I can’t say no sometimes. I only wrote once or twice, then I realized I didn’t like her and she went psycho, tried to make me jealous, and then disappeared. Her name was Brenda. The next one was xanga.com/poulemarchus, which was my screen name before Singing Farewell. That one went for a while, but stopped when I found out my parents were reading it. I hate it when my parents screw up things like that; an entire year of my life in writing disappeared because of it. I eventually started xanga.com/stateownedmedia, but only wrote in it a few times. I still like to go back and read them every now and then. I’m not sure anyone can read the poulemarchus one right now though.

8. My mom found out that one of my legs was longer than the other when I was young and she realized my underwear and pants didn’t fit right on my hips. I had to have a lift put into my left shoe for a long time, like an inch thick in seventh grade. Kids used to call me “spice girl” in school, and kids at soccer camp called me “boots.” It was really annoying and I wanted to punch people and make fun of their acne, or ugly eyes, or terrible haircuts, or crooked teeth, but I didn’t. I got the growth plates in my right knee broken in 8th grade to fix the problem. I told people I had the cast because of a surfing accident, or because my brother beat me up, because I felt like telling a cool story. People believe me but I think most people found out eventually. If I didn’t have this problem I’d be six-foot-one. No one asks me about my shoes anymore, unless they’ve caught on fire recently.

9. When I was young, I really liked the song “Masterpiece.” I forget who it was by. Anyway, I actually liked it because I thought he was saying “I found a *monster* piece in you,” rather than masterpiece in you. I had a weird visual understanding of it in my head, and I just thought it was an incredible concept. I mean, this was like kindergarten.

10. My family had a computer when I was really young, a while before 2nd grade, and we had the internet through a provider called Prodigy. It was really terrible and slow, but I was too young to tell the difference. I found a game somewhere once involving a girl and an adventure through pre-historic times with dinosaurs, and always wanted to play it a second time, but I don’t think I ever found it again. This is my only memory of Prodigy.

11. I got a blanket before I had a memory. It was white and had some sort of design on it, although I’m not sure what. It’s ragged and brown/yellow/white now. I still sleep with it every night. Deal with it.

12. I used to be really obsessed with tractors and trucks, and I was convinced I would drive one for my job when I grew up. I thought people would pay for rides in 18-wheelers. Turns out I was wrong. I used to always make “towns” for tractors that I would take to the beach when I was young. In my old house, we had a living room with pink carpet and a lot of open space, and I would spend hours and hours with little metal tractors “mowing” the carpet, making straight lines with their metal wheels from one wall to another, back and forth. I idolized Scott, our lawn guy.

13. I used to be completely phobic of being alone. It started one day when my brother and neighbor convinced my mom left for good and was never coming back. After that, I would be one room away from my mom and afraid she was gone, and we had this conversation a thousand times: “MOOOM!?!?” “What?!” “…just checking.” Sometimes I got scared and did it at night when I was sleeping, or when we were both sleeping. Sometimes when I woke up in the middle of the night I’d check on them to make sure both of my parents were still there.

14. I have a lot of things wrong with me. When I was born, my tear ducts were messed up and I had to have surgery on them. I was diagnosed with Tourette’s when I was around 12, but I’m pretty sure that was inaccurate, or it went away. One leg was longer than the other. I’m losing my vision. I have an irregular heartbeat, but apparently it’s nothing dangerous. I have pecsis, meaning one set of ribs sticks out unequally against the other.

15. I never really know what my songs are about when I’m writing them. They sort of take on meaning retroactively, and sometimes they just take on extra meanings, and it happens to be a cooler meaning. For instance, when I wrote Singing Farewell, I imagined it as a song to a living friend from a deceased friend. Turns out it’s a way cooler song if you think about it more in the context of a graduation. Those sorts of things happen in almost all my songs. Some might say that’s cheap, but I think it’s cool, almost like I subconsciously have a meaning that I just need a month and a dozen listens to figure out.

16. Last one, about the future this time. I’d love to make a difference in the world, but I have no idea how. It’s so intimidating. Should I spend it working with poor people, maybe in undeveloped nations? Be a teacher? Just be a really good friend to everyone? Be a politician? I don’t know. I sort of realize that even though I’ve surrounded myself with beautiful things and people that I love endlessly, there are a lot of terrible things in the world that would crush your soul if only you could consider them simultaneously. I’d love to be the world’s hero and have everyone be, at the very least, safe and content. Not for the recognition, just because I want people to be safe and happy. But there’s so, so much inertia otherwise.

I might go into more detail on some of these at some point if I feel like it, or if someone asks me to.

Peace out!