Lighter

I bought my first lighter the other day at McLanaghan's. It's a blue/purple ACE lighter with two "compartments" for lighter fluid in it. You can adjust how high the flame goes. It cost me $.63. When I went to buy it, the cashiers were talking about 4/20, which is only slightly more than 2 months away. The oldest cashier - the woman I was talking to - was somewhat scandalized by the concept as a younger girl at the register told her about it. She said 4/20 is the day when everyone smokes pot, and the older woman I was buying from said, "How long has that sh*t been going on?" To which the younger woman responded, "I don't know, forever? Decades?" And my cashier said, NO, NOTHING could have been going on forever. She wondered if it was going on forty years ago when her daughter was born. Her birthday was 4/19, and she wondered what the people in the hospital would have thought of her if she had smoked pot the next day.

In either case, I got my lighter. My bike lock freezes a lot of times when it's cold and there's precipitation, and my dad suggested getting a lighter to unfreeze the ice inside of it so I could stick my key in. I tried it the next morning. The plastic around the metal key insert started smoking, but I held it there for a little bit. I put the key in and the plastic basically melted around it [no major damage, don't worry]. Then I tried putting the lighter up to the key to warm that up, then tried that, but it was useless as well. The lighter idea didn't work. I got to walk to class.

So now I have a lighter and I have no purpose for it. I keep it in my pocket. Sometimes when I walk and I don't wear gloves I just take it out of my jacket pocket and start it. I'm not really a pyro, I don't really like to be stupid with fire, but I think it's pretty and sometimes I just like to look at it, kind of like snow and lights. I wonder what people think of me when they see me doing it - do they assume I smoke? I wonder if anyone's noticed that I never light anything with it. If I were walking right next to myself, I'd have noticed that. I don't know what I would think of myself. Probably not much.

Sometimes I don't let the flame go for long and I just enjoy the sound and the look of the spark. Sometimes it's too windy to have a flame so I have to do that. Sometimes I let the flame go really high and really long - the metal gets hot, and I can see the body of the flame and a spike of flame that goes way higher than the rest. That's from the mechanism that brings the fluid right to the hole where the flame comes out of.

I went to the Simmons piano lounge today after I ate dinner. I had a card in my hand from my mom and two ice cream cones full of stolen Reese's Pieces and my lighter in my coat pocket. I set all of them down on the table before I went to play so I could have my hands free - that big jacket makes it hard to play. I played Samson.

I noticed that there was a girl sitting opposite the piano looking out the huge bay windows at Simmons. She had blonde curly hair and it looked like she was studying. I never realized it before, but that window actually has a beautiful view. It'd be a wonderful place to sit with a friend and watch snow or a thunderstorm or a clear night. I plan on doing this just about as soon as possible.

I wondered if I was annoying her. I wondered if she noticed me at all and I wondered if she would remember me. If someone in ten years asked her, Do you remember that time you were sitting in the Simmons piano lounge studying and some kid came and played this song called Samson on piano and came and left quickly, would she remember? What if they asked, Did you wonder what the card he was holding was for or why he had two ice cream cones full of stolen Reese's Pieces or a lighter in his pocket?

I made a list in my head of things to get when I went back to McLanaghan's after playing piano, and I forget to get milk. I don't know what I will do for breakfast tomorrow.

Peace out.

Piano Lounge

You know what I hate?

There's a piano lounge here in Atherton Halls. It has a shiny but used/worn black baby grand piano of some sort over in the corner near the huge mirror far away from the three chanedliers on the ceiling and generally far away from the chairs in the room. There are two doors to get in here, and the piano is in the corner on the wall opposite the door that actually opens. One is closed for security reasons. There's a little alcove opposite the other door that also has a door, but I don't know where it goes and I'm afraid to find out. Some people were in there when I was playing once and they went there to make out and then other people in there pointed at them.

Anyway. What I hate. There are lots and lots and lots of quiet places to study in Atherton. There's an entire basement full of silence, a computer lab, and a "zombie lounge" just ten feet away from the piano hall where you can go get quietness if you need quietness to study.

Note that there is NOT A PIANO in those places. But there is one in the PIANO HALL.

So, from my perspective, if you want a quiet place to study, you should go to a study place where there is not a piano. Why? Because pianos are much rarer than study space, so if you can find study space that does not occupy very limited piano space, you should do what you can to make sure you don't occupy piano space when you are not using a piano. Does that make sense? Don't waste a piano by requiring that it not be used because you're studying. Someone wants to play that piano.

So basically: I hate it when people study in the piano lounge. There are SO MANY other places to study and so few other places to play piano. WHY DO YOU TAKE UP THE PIANO. WHY. YOU'RE NOT USING IT. If you're not using the piano LEAVE THE PIANO LOUNGE. Okay thanks.

I get really angry about this. I hate it. I want to play the freaking piano.

Peace out.

Showers

There are some pretty significant differences between the showers here and the showers at Brown [and the showers at home, of course].

The showers at Brown - at least the ones in West Andrews - were enormous. There were only two of them in the boys' bathroom. I think each of them must have been about seven feet by seven feet and probably a nine foot ceiling. There was only one curtain on each of the showers, and it was REALLY REALLY difficult to move the curtain to cover up the shower, but really really easy to move it back to expose the inside of the shower, which made for a healthy dose of paranoia. There was only one handle you could use to adjust the flow/temperature of water, and only one "compartment" of the whole thing, so you got dressed in the huge 7' x 7' shower compartment deal.

At Penn State the showers are MUCH smaller. I think they're probably about 4' x 4', and one of the showers has this stupid overhang thing right above it so it has like a 7' ceiling. I think that shower also doesn't have hot water - at least, it didn't the last time I checked. The showers here have two compartments though. First you step in and you close the curtain for the first compartment. There's a tiny little stool there for you to put your shower caddy on, and this is where you're supposed to get changed. It's supposed to be dry but it is ALWAYS wet. Then you step forward again and close the curtain and then there's the actual shower part. There's a hot spigot and a cold spigot and you need to adjust them and it's not a very fun game. The showers here also have a ledge to hold your soap - I don't think the ones at Brown had that.

The water in these showers gets SCALDING HOT if someone flushes the toilet - that never happened at Brown. Strangely, both of the showers have the same weird, semi-sweet, semi-dank smell when you turn the hot water on high... I don't know what it is but it seems specifically reserved for college showers. I guess you probably know the smell or will soon enough.

Peace out.

More Fever Dreams

Hey, I know I know I haven't written in like a week, forgive me. I was sick. On Wednesday night I started to feel a little bit sick, but I wasn't too worried because I didn't have a dry throat. Usually I have a dry throat before my body freaks out on me, so I wasn't too worried. The next day I woke up with a 101.6 degree fever. I e-mailed my PSL teacher and my English teacher and told them I couldn't go to class, even though I thought I would be missing an activity in PSL and missing the most important day to be in English for me all year. It actually turned out okay but... sort of sucked at the same time.

I had a really weird fever dream that night, too. Atherton Hall is sort of maze-like, and I'm still getting over that. That was a big part of my dream... I kept having this strange plot where I was using Atherton as like a military base for myself and I was building up underground networks of support throughout the building. Svetlana Katok, my Math 312H teacher, was in the building and on my side for some reason. It was really strange.

I stayed in bed and took Tylenol for most of that day. I thought I felt better that night so I sat at the computer for a while, but by 9 or 10 or so I felt pretty terrible again. I tried to go to sleep early, but I don't think I fell asleep until about 12:30 or 1AM. I think I had really weird dreams that night, too. In one of them I was rollerskating down this huuuge highway at night. There were lots of trucks, and police officers, and a toll both, and maybe trains. I remember earlier that day I saw on RealTV this one guy whose car was hit by two trains like at the same time, and that same thing happened in my dream on this highway. There was also an enormous hill down at about 60 degrees. I also had a dream where I came into my room and there were guys from the dorm floor on my bed taking my pictures off the wall and I was just like, "Ummm.... yeah, okay??"

Bill came into my room that morning at about 6:30. He was supposed to be at Hell Week but apparently they were playing mind games with them so they sent them home at some random time. He filled my water for me when he went to shower and told me that classes before 10AM were cancelled due to weather, which was GREAT beacause then I could only have an hour of class.

I thought I felt okay - fever was 101.3... - so I took some Tylenol and trudged through freezing cold and sleet and hail and ice to get to Katok's class to hand in my homework. I made it, and I made it back, but I just about died. I mean, not literally, but it was pretty terrible. I also had to go to two cafeterias to try to find any food I wanted [waffles or chicken]. I stole from one cafeteria to spite them, and then threw out what I stole. Jerks.

At one point when I was sick I bought some Tastykake mini doughnuts as comfort food. But then I couldn't stop eating them, so I threw them in the trashcan before I was done.

I chilled out for like all of Friday. I think Jenny came by to sign the card for Mrs. Rock so I guess I did that for like twenty minutes. I think I went to sleep early that night, too, but I had seen the doctor and decided I should take some NyQuil to help me get rest, since it's important to treat the symptoms of the flu. I fell asleep, and I think I had to go to drumline the next day, and so I had this dream where I had to help Coatesville move out of a gym, so I took one of their marimbas and fell down a huge hill with it. That sort of sucked.

So anyway, Saturday and Sunday I mostly stayed in and watched the Puppy Bowl, but I also went to drumline for a tiny bit because Jim Ancona was there and it was the most important weekend to go. I went Saturday and it was okay, and then I went Sunday morning at 7:30 and I couldn't take it so I had to go home.

I think I've weaned myself off the NyQuil now... alright, that's enough for now.

Peace out.

The Stickers

When I came into my room for the first time, I noticed there were some pretty weird stickers in our room. Specifically, one that said "CLOSE IT." on the microwave. I didn't really understand what it was doing there; I thought it belonged somewhere else.

After I stayed here a little longer, I realized that everyone has them in their rooms. And sometimes not in their rooms. The "CLOSE IT." stickers are supposed to go on the windows, so we keep them closed and our rooms don't need to use all that heating. There are ones that say "KEEP IT FULL" on the refridgerators, and then explain that refridgerators use less energy when they are full. There are ones that say "LIGHTS OUT" on all the light switches, for obvious reasons, and ones that tell you to cut your shower time to save water and heat.

I think those are the only ones I noticed. They feel a little bit like Big Brother. Just wanted to do a quick update before sleeeeeping.

Peace out!

Synthesis 002: Winter

The Synthesis year was the last year that the Garnet Valley Indoor Guard came to all the shows and on most of the bus rides with us. Actually, it might have been a combination guard as well, but I can't exactly remember. In either case, they helped up move our things and we helped them move their things, and we always watched each other's shows because we would basically be each other's floor crew if they needed any help at all.

The colorguard's show was done to a song called "Winter," by Tori Amos, I think. It was very light, with just piano and vocals and maybe a string bass or something. The chorus had some pretty ascending and descending lines with words something like, "When you gonna tell me again? / When you gonna love me as much as I do [you] ?"

Of course, Marc and Brian didn't exactly dig that style of music, and they loved to make fun of the colorguard's show. I think the best time was definitely at one of the two or three Synthesis parties we had in Schlichter's basement during the season.

Her brother had a bunch of "construction worker" toys - hard hats, fake drills, tool belts, hammers, etc. Marc and Brian, who were pretty good friends, liked to joke around and pretend to be "gay for each other," so of course when they saw the construction worker garb, they threw it on as fast as they could and put on a humorous show for us. Don't worry, nothing bad actually happened.

At one point, somebody put "Winter" on through some speakers. Brian and Marc started to dance to it with each other, in the same slow tone as the song. Bright yellow hardhat on, and toolbelt, and white tees. And while they were singing, one of them decided to serenade the other with the line, "When you gonna bust on my face?"

I think we had actually used that line before - during the colorguard shows, nonetheless - but this was definitely the best execution of that line. I also think that Evan K came up with it first, but I'm not too sure on that.

Peace out!

Synthesis 001: Where Are You?

We got our music very early on in the Synthesis season, as far as I can remember. At least, we definitely thought it was early. I'm pretty sure we had part two by the end of the first week, or something like that. I remember we were supposed to learn it during one of the first practices and then we ensembled it later that practice.

We had the pit instruments facing the TV and the doors then, in an arch. I can't remember what instrument I was on, but I think it was xylophone. They always put me on xylophone. We were playing through the first sections of part two. Kathleen and Sarah were still in the pit then, so they had the marimba 1 and marimba 2 parts that Steve and I would take later.

There was a Dr. Beat on, I remember, and it was extremely, extremely loud. I had my music in front of me because I still didn't have it memorized. We were playing the same piece over and over again, I guess it was the first three measures or so. At one point, Christian gave a direction that I didn't quite understand. I played the same bit that I had just been playing. He stopped everyone, came over to me, and said very cuttingly, "I'm at measure four. Where are you?"

I forget exactly what I told him. I'm not sure I told him anything. I might have just judged him and assumed he was a jerk at that point, in which case I wouldn't have responded.

Although I'm a little sad it was directed at me, that was definitley one of Christian's best, defining lines all season. People said it for years after that whenever someone didn't listen to directions, and we'd all think of that exact same moment.

Peace out.

Synthesis 000: Faceplant

It was sometime in early 2005, when Synthesis drumline was just getting started. It wasn't one of our first practices, but it was pretty early on in the season - my guess is February or so. Saturday practice had just ended and the instructors were having a meeting with us in the band room to discuss everything like they normally do at the end of practice.

So for those of you unfamiliar, our band room is fairly large open room. A little bit bigger than 40' x 60' on the floor. There are two sets of double doors on the 60' sides that almost line up with each other. One leads outside, and the other leads to a band locker room where the kids keep all of their instruments and folders with music and such. A lot of times, we worked on the props we used for our drumline shows in there.

In the Synthesis year, we had four props that were basically identical. They were made of wood. Think of it as a L shape, but the legs were the same length. One of the legs basically sat on the floor [we had wheels on the bottom of it to make it easier to move] and the other leg went into the air. The leg that went into the air was connected by a wooden beam at its top and bottom. In the square made by the aired portions of the two Ls and the beams that connected them at the top and bottom, we put sheets with drawings of clocks and clock workings on them [our show's theme was clockwork].

Now, a very important part was that the beam on the ground was *only* connected at one end. The backs of those two ground beams were unconnected. Furthermore, to make the weight even so that they would stand in place during the show, we put bricks on the very backs of the grounded beams. I think this calls for a picture.So at the end of the day, we were trying to move these props from the locker room to the band room. They were a little bit too big to go through the door upright - with the wheels - so we usually had to turn them to go through.

So we were all sitting in the band room. Most of the kids were sitting in an arch facing the TV, which Christian was standing in front of, which is on the same side as those doors that lead to the locker room. I was sitting a little bit behind the arch, on the right side of the room, close to the doors and the piano. So as Viv, Lauren, and Jack were trying to get the props through, they turned them so that the parts with the bricks were very high up in the air, and no one was supporting them. I think this was the first day they had attached the bricks to the props. I was very, very, very afraid that our precious props were going to break. I mean that, really. It would have been TERRIBLE if those props had broken in half.

So as Christian was talking, I saw the bricked legs of the props bending, and I just though, Oh god, I need to go run over there and help. I was sitting in one of the regular band room chairs. I had my ankles crossed - not my legs, just my ankles. I stood up and started running over to try to grab them. But as I did, my feet got caught up in themselves. I was about halfway there when I tripped. At that point, I was right near the piano, and the guitars and electric pianos. And, with the speed of running, I tripped, and my face thwacked forcefully against the corner of one of the amplifiers. Yes, you read it: I ran myself face-first full-force into an amplifier. Everyone heard it. Everyone looked. I didn't know what the hell to do, so I got back up and went to take a hold of the leg of the prop in the air.

I couldn't really feel it that badly, but I think it's because I had so much adrenaline from the embarrassment. Someone asked me if I was okay as I was holding the leg and I just said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm alright." And someone said, quote, "Your face is bleeding." And at that point I was like... ((O_O)). After we got the props down a couple seconds later, I went to the kitchen on the right wall of the band room. I looked in the mirror. My skin on my right cheek bone somehow tore off and I was bleeding a lot. It still didn't hurt too much, but it was definitley bleeding a lot. I used a lot of water and a lot of paper towels.

Christian came into the kitchen later and asked if I was okay. That made me feel a little uneasy because I had still barely talked to Christian at that point, and I still thought he was mean. He told me that it was good that I did what I had done, otherwise the props would have broken. I'm not sure if they actually would have broken, but I guess it was nice that he said that anyway. Other people said the same thing to me. I guess that was nice.

I had a scar on my face afterwards. At least, I thought I did. It was just a little patch of discolored skin on my right cheekbone. At first I was really really upset about it. I'd have to live my entire life with that scar and when people asked why, I'd have to explain that I made myself faceplant into an amplifier.

It eventually went away, and at first I was happy. I didn't want to have to explain that. But thinking back, I think I would kind of like to have a tiny bit of a scar there. Not a huge one, but one so small that I'd have to let you really inspect that area of my face for you to see it. I guess I just want it so I can just have one more thing to show for that season.

I miss Synthesis.

Peace out.

Cossart Road

I don't know exactly when I started hearing about it. I think the first I heard of it was sometime around the beginning of junior year, maybe even during that summer just after I came back from Governor's School but before I went back to school. The first time I heard about it was definitely from either Beth or Dani, though. The two of them wanted to go see it sometime. They referred to it as "Devil house" or "Cult house" or "the house where the trees bend backwards." For some reason, it just didn't interest me back then. I guess my imagination wasn't good enough.

In the summer after my senior year, though, I suddently became very interested in Cossart Road, and I can't remember why. I think what happened was, when I was away, Viv had a bonfire and told ghost stories, including the one about Cossart Road. All the kids in the pit told me that Viv was awesome at telling scary stories, so the next time I had kids over, we went down to my basement, turned the lights low, and had Viv tell the story of Cossart Road. I remember I was sitting on the couch on the side wall of the basement, and everyone listened very intently even though they'd all heard the story before. Viv's voice always shook a tiny bit when she spoke.

So Cossart Road is in Delaware, not too far from the border with Pennsylvania, just off of Route 100 [Montshanin Road]. You can see the road on maps sometimes, but not always, and it's often unnamed. There isn't even a street sign for it off of Route 100. This part of Delaware, of course, has been owned for decades and decades by the DuPont family - famous for creating Teflon, black gunpowder, and other chemicals. The horror movie The Village was filmed on their property. They have an enormous mansion on the top of a hill that you can easily see from Smithbridge Road. You can see a stone, round guard tower, too. There's one set back, and one close to the road.

The DuPonts also owned the DuPont hostpital. If you go to the DuPont hospital, and look closely, you'll see some very clearly unsafe sharp objects in some places. Glass and mirrors sticking out of walls and windows and such. The beliefs is that the DuPont's kids - who were very inbred and violent - were kept in the guard towers and these sharp rooms so they wouldn't be too much trouble.

Cossart Road is also on DuPont property. For hundreds of years, someone probably used the house in question. But then it went vacant. Nobody knows what house number it is, or deed number, or its last occupant, or anything. And apparently, sometime in the 1950s or so, the KKK moved in. Perhaps they didn't occupy it always, but on certain nights, you could see them. Sometime in the 1970s, three brothers were murdered on the grounds of this house. You can read about them in the newspaper - it's true, I saw the stories - as The Johnston Murders.

The road is very, very small. Even a motorcycle in the middle of the road would make it impossible for you to pass. It's also very shaky, and curvy, and on the side of a ravine. You can't go too fast, you can't go backwards, and you can't maneuver. There's a guard house early on in the road. In the 1970s and 1980s, people kept getting chased off the road. They said there were large trucks that would come quickly behind them as they passed the driveway, blind them with their lights, and force them to the end of the road. No one could ever see their face. There were so many complaints about it that the road was actually shut down by the Delaware police, and people who drove on it were given $1,000 fines. This part is also true, and you can read about it in newspapers.

The house itself is hard to see. It's set back from Cossart Road by quite a distance. Its driveway has at least one metal gate, possibly more. It's covered on some sides by tall evergreen trees. But there are accounts. For a long time, the first metal gate wasn't in place. Some people drove up as far as they could to the end of the driveway, only to be met by another gate before they got to the house. On the spikes of the gate, they saw that someone had impaled recently killed animals. And the windows, as rumored, had crosses in them. I have actually seen a picture - the framing of the windows are large, white crosses.

Perhaps you find a lot of the this story so far unbelievable. That's understandable. There is one thing, though, that is so clearly visible and, so far, is unexplained.

The trees on Cossart Road bend. In their trunks. Away from the house. At almost ninety degree angles. People have tried to explain it, but none of the solutions make sense. Others have suggested that the house is so evil, the trees grow away from it the best they can. Some say the devil screamed and the trees bent in response.

And there is one tree in particular on Cossart Road: Skull Tree. If you look at it from the right angle on the road, it looks like a skull - eye holes, mouth holes, bone structure, everything. From another angle it looks like a hand reaching into the ground. Supposedly, a woman left her baby to die there years ago. Some say it was cradled by the hand as it died. If you leave a tape player in the eye hole where the baby died and listen to it backwards, you are supposed to be able to hear it screaming.

I remember the first time I went. Although I actually can't remember exactly when it was. I'm pretty sure it was in the summer, but I don't know exactly when in the summer, although I would have to guess earlier rather than later. Gina was in the front seat with me, and Viv was in the back with Joe. I can't remember which one of them sat on which side. I asked Viv to tell the story again as we were driving - it was just getting dark, maybe about 8PM, then - because it made it way creepier. I think this was actually the perfect time of day to see this place. I tried again multiple times but never caught it in such good light.

As we drove, Viv pointed out the signs on the road. There were many of them that said, "No stopping No standing No parking anytime." You could see red and black stains on the - paint or blood, or both, Viv said. People who stopped were routinely beaten, she said.

We listened to The Dresden Dolls as we were driving. I'm not sure which song was on for the four minutes or so that we were really on the scariest stretch of Cossart Road, but I'm pretty confident it was either Gravity or Half-Jack. Gina was really scared by the whole aura of the place, and she put her head down near the door and looked into the space where she put her feet and concentrated on the music instead of everything else around.

Viv told us we probably wouldn't have cell phone service, and we didn't. If something happened to us, it seemed like we would be all alone. We all really, really hoped my engine wouldn't give out.

I didn't think I would be freaked out by this place. I'd seen TV shows about places like this, and sure, they felt a little eerie, but I chalked it up to editing. I didn't think I would actually be scared if I went to one of those places. But I was. Something about the trees and the bending and the road and the isolation and the light. I felt very unsafe and like something or someone could actually come out of the trees and that would be it. I drove slowly and looked at the bending in the trees and looked for skull tree and hoped that nothing was waiting for us around all the bends.

There was a car in front of us. They probably thought we were chasing them off the road. When we got to the circular turnaround at the end, they sped off. I think they were afraid of us.

I forget whether or not we took Cossart Road home that night. We might have gone to Route 100 or whatever it was. I think that night we were too scared to go back, but I can't say for sure.

And even though I was terrified, I wanted to go back, over and over again. And I still want to go back every time I come home, and I don't know why.

Peace out.

Morning Routine

I have class at 8AM every day this semester. On the weekends, I have to be at drumline by 9AM. I don't have any time to sleep in, ever, and I always have to be ready to go early in the morning. So I try to plan out a morning routine so that I can sleep as much as possible and still get to class on time.

The first couple of days I was here, Bill [my roommate] wasn't here, so I didn't have to worry about waking him up or disturbing him or anything. But starting on Monday morning, he was there, and I had to try to be very quiet about all my movements so I wouldn't wake him. I think I woke him up the first morning with my alarm, but I've turned it on "Soft" now so I think that's a lot less likely to wake him up.

So basically I get up at 7:10 every day. I put my blanket underneath my feather comforter so people don't see it or touch it. My dresser is in the closet near the back of the room [near the door that leads to the hallway] so I go over there and get dressed in the dark. Jeans are in the bottom two drawers, so I pull something out of there. I can't see what color or design are on my shirts anymore because the lights are off so I don't wake Bill, so I never really know what shirt I'm going to be wearing. I don't put on socks yet because I have to go to the bathroom and they'd get wet and gross.

After I'm dressed, I grab my cell phone and keys and pencils and wallet and put them in my pocket, then pick up a towel and my bathroom caddy thing. Then I have to get the milk out of the refridgerator, but the door opens towards Bill, so I lean over it, open it as little as possible, get the milk, and then close the door and hope I didn't wake Bill with the refridgerator light. I used to take the cereal box with me, but now I just pour the cereal in the bowl the night before and take the bowl with me.

Then I go out my door and to the right, down about three doors, to the pressing room, which is where we keep the iron and vacuum and things like that for everyone in the dorm to share. The door is usually closed and the light is usually off and it's usually empty, so it's not weird to eat my breakfast in there. Usually, when I sit down, I also take my retainer out [I usually haven't done so by then]. Then I pour the milk in the bowl and have my cereal, and usually I check to see if I got any text messages overnight at this time [usually 7:17] and answer them. I usually eat Life, Frosted Mini-Wheats, Smart Start, or Cheerios.

There's a sticker on the light switch that says "LIGHTS OUT!" It makes me feel guilty when I leave the light on when I go to the bathroom, but with the light off, I would see that I left the milk in there. The bathroom is really far away, so going back to my room then to the bathroom would be really inconvenient.

There's usually someone else in the bathroom. It makes me feel a little self-conscious because I shower at night then sleep on a pillow, so my hair is totally ridiculous, but I guess people just have to deal with that.

I think this is the worst part of my morning routine so far. So usually I do my hair in the morning by just soaking it with water, drying it off a little bit, shaking my head, and being done. But the sinks here are totally defective. Instead of having one faucet for the water to come out of, the sinks have TWO faucets. One of them is for hot water, the other is for cold water. So on the left side of the sink, you can get water to come out at about 160 degrees. On the right side is water coming out at about 50 degrees. There is no inbetween. You can't mix them. They come out of different faucets and you can't moderate the temperature. So when I needed to do my hair in the morning, what was there to do? I had to either burn my head off or freeze it off.

For the first few days, I just froze it. It sucked but at least I didn't have to go to the hospital. One day I asked Bill, my RA, what to do, and he said to just stick my head in the shower. So I put a towel behind my head and wrapped myself up in the shower curtain and did that once I got the water the right temperature, and it got my hair wet, but it got my feet and jeans and body soaked, too. I had to go back to the room and change my pants because they were so wet. So that didn't work.

After that I think I complained to Gina about it, and she said just turn on both faucets and close the drain and dunk my head in it basically. I didn't really want to try that, but I didn't have much of a choice, so I did it. It does actually work, but it makes me feel really self-conscious. What would you think of a kid that just shoves his head in a sinkful of water every day? Yeah, me too. Oh well. At least my hair looks good.

Peace out.

Piaget, a Child, and Dreams

Where does the dream come from? I think you sleep so well that you dream. Does it come from us or from outisde? From outside. When you are in bed and you dream, where is the dream? In my bed, under the blanket. I don't really know. If it was in my stomach, the bones would be in the way and I shouldn't see it. Is the dream there when you sleep? Yes, it is in the bed beside me.

Peace out.

Snow II

One of the only things I wanted this Christmas was for it to snow. I don't know why, but there's something about it snowing that makes everything feel like Christmas and magic and home and good. I wanted to sit with Gina at one of our bay windows staring out the window with hot chocolate under a nice warm blanket and feel very warm and know that it was very cold outside but also beautiful.

But it was warm outside. Almost the entire time that I was home. I think it got up to the fifties or sixties. When I went to the pharmacy with my mom for some last minute college things, the pansies outside were still in bloom. By the time I left - after 21 days at home - it still hadn't snowed once, and it hadn't even been cold enough for snow to stick. It never felt like Christmas, not for one day.

This morning, when I walked out of my dorm at 7:40 or so, it was snowing. I was angry.

Peace out.

Sam

As my facebook status, I recently put up that I was taking a semester off [later, to go to PSU] and that everyone should drop by to say goodbye. I felt like people came out of the woodwork to ask what was going on. Dani M., Sam, Melissa S., Crystal H., etc... - I couldn't believe that really anyone took any interest. But anyway, the comment from Sam caught special attention because she said she was taking the next semester off, too, and it was nice to know she wasn't alone. I wrote back and said, Yeah, we should talk sometime.

I went to Beth's house two nights ago. When I walked down the stairs, Beth was sitting on the couch with Tina and Steve and they were reading National Geographic from the 1950s or so. Her family keeps them. They made me read an advertisement that headlined, "Think about June in January, then think about Ontario!" They said it took them a really long time to figure out. I thought it was really interesting was that at the bottom of the page it said, "Mention the National Geographic - it identifies you."

So anyway, very soon after that, Kim L., Meghan D., and Sam all came to see us. They sat in the corner across from me. Sam was in a chair, Kim was on a bench, and Meghan was on the floor in front of Sam. Meghan and Sam both went to the same school that my mom graduated from [East Stroudsburg U], and both of them would be out of it by the end of their second semester. Meghan would have finished their entire art program by then and decided it was time to move on. Kim said she liked Pitt for the most part - the city was great and the school was good. I think I got the feeling she was yet to find her best friends there but I think we both knew that would come in time, and at least the rest was good. I know Kim is reading this but I definitely wrote everything up to here without thinking about that, so that's all honest, promise.

I wanted to catch up with Sam and talk to her more about why she was taking a semester off, so I told her we should meet the next day for lunch or coffee or something, and she said she'd call me around 11 or 12 to figure something out. It wasn't until later I realized that I planned to go into Philadelphia the next day to see Kim K at her parents' store in The Bourse. Those plans fell through, though - actually, for two days now, very sadly - so I could go see Sam.

While we were talking at Starbucks, she said that her mom said hello, and that she loved my graduation speech. I was kind of surprised that she would remember me, and even more surprised she'd remember my speech, but Sam said she remembered me from that night we went to the concert [in 11th grade].

I kind of have to split this story into two parts so that it will make sense to everyone reading. First I'll say what's going on with Sam now, then I'll get back to the concert.

I.

Sam's home was never anything near what you'd see in picture books. Her dad was no longer a part of the family from when she was little. He had terrible health problems for a long time and their relationship was terrible for almost as long as I've known Sam. Her brother was a good guy but he always got in lots of trouble and it got progressively more serious through time. Her mom seemed to be the one thing that Sam would always have. They weren't rich, but they had what they needed and they were pretty much closest/best friends. Sam started to have health problems sometime around 10th or 11th grade.

Sometime over the summer of 2007, the cops busted in to Sam's house. Apparently the papers they presented to whomever was home was not a search warrant, but a paper saying that a search warrant was served. Furthermore, it was for the wrong address, and the signature on it was fake, and they were searching the house on false pretenses. They went in anyway. They tore apart every room in the house and went through everyone's things and apparently found enough evidence to have Sam's brother face a minimum sentencing of 10-15 years.

I suppose her brother has been in the state's custody for a while. He also got very sick. He's pretty well built, but he's dropped down to 130 pounds, which is lighter than me. The police apparently beat him pretty badly when they found him. He has to get his ACL operated on, and apparently the state isn't taking responsibility for it, so he has to rely on Keystone Mercy insurance. He's also undoubtedly under tons of stress and his gallbladder isn't working properly.

The pipes in Sam's house are pretty old. One of them was stepped on, apparently, by someone searching the house, and it started to leak. Sam's mom got a plumber to come out and take a look at it and they did all they could to take care of the leaking. One day, she came home and the roof of her bedroom fell in. Her room was absolutely unusable. They didn't even have any reason to go in her room. And she doesn't have the money to pay for it right now. So she had to move into the computer room.

And she misses Sam. They're best friends. Every time Sam goes back up to college - and the first time she went up, too - she cries. They both do. They both cried the entire way up their the first time, Sam said. And I think the last time she went back up, her mom told her, "Sam, there's no way you're going back there. I have a breakdown every time. I just can't do it."

II.

Sam and I are both pretty big fans of Billy Joel. I'm not quite sure of how Sam came to love him, but for me, it was because my parents had his tapes and when I was little I listened to it once and I guess essentially became obsessed with it and he just became my favorite. He and Leroy are the only musicians I will remember from my childhood. Sometime in the beginning of Junior Year, Sam told me there was a free concert in a park in Rose Tree Media by a Billy Joel coverband and that she would go with me if I was interested. I remember being kind of shaky about it at first - a Billy Joel coverband...?? - but I wanted to go for some reason, so I said yes and asked her to come, of course.

I remember the whole plan being shaky for a while, but we worked it out so that her mom would drive us and just hang out at the concert, basically. So I drove to Sam's house - still in that old Q45 - and parked in her driveway because I still felt scared to park in the grass, even though she told me it was totally cool if I did. This was the first time I'd ever been to Sam's house. I didn't know what it looked like inside, but I thought it was nice. I never really knew she had a dog, but I'm pretty sure I remember being greeted by one.

We drove to the concert. I remember it was a really nice night and I think it was still light out when we got there. I can't remember if we took a blanket or not, but I'm willing to say we didn't. The concert was put on a stage at the bottom of a circular hill where everyone could gather. It was actually a really good band and a really nice venue. Sam and I hung out with her mom for a little bit, but mostly ran around on our own. I think we went to the snack line and got a snow cone or something, but I could be wrong about that. I remember we stood on the roots of a tree at one point, on a hill, and it was hard to keep our balance. I remember we talked to kids while we were standing there. I can't remember if we ran into anyone we knew or not that night, but if we knew anyone, it was probably because of Sam and not me.

When the concert was over, Sam and I couldn't find her mom in the crown, so we just walked roughly in the direction of where we thought we had parked and sat on a bench under a light and talked for a while. A lot of people walked past us and a lot of cars left before us. I think some kids talked to us while we sat there, too. We called her mom on her cell phone a couple times, and sooner or later her mom found us sitting on the bench, and I think it turned out we were totally in the wrong spot for where we had parked.

We left the parking lot - which I think was a field we all agreed we should just park on - and talked about the concert. We all really liked it. I forget exactly how, but we started singing songs that we all liked. I don't know if they were on the radio, or on a CD, or on an iPod. I can't remember how popular iPods were two years ago, or if Sam ever had one. Anyway.

At one point, "Annie's Song" came on. If you're not familiar, that's the really pretty folksy song with guitar, violin, and piano with the chorus that goes:

Even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
Everything will bring a chain of love...

And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be alright

And we all sang that song together, on the highway, driving home that night. I remember I didn't have a very high range then because I was just starting to sing but if I got close to belting it came out pretty well. We all sounded wonderful together.

III.

And it was everything that I just wrote that came into my head in one instant when Sam was talking to me. And I just thought of how beautiful that moment was and what a great night that was and, god, just thinking of her mom and how she must have been so content to be with her daughter and her friend, having a nice night out with them. And I thought of the last year and how far away Sam is and all the things that have happened, and how nice it would be just to have that moment again, and it made me tear up in Starbucks right there in front of Sam.

Peace out.

Just so you know

If you're ever at a job interview, and someone asks you what the integral from negative infinity to infinity of e^-x^2 is, the answer is the square root of pi.

Just so you know.

Peace out!

Snow

A month back or so I think we got some snow at Brown, but it was really just a dusting. Even the southerners weren't excited about it.

But this Friday we got some snow for real. I remember on Thursday night, Danny was talking to Tanya on the phone [he usually talks to her on the phone late at night right before they go to bed, I think - they used to videochat but for some reason I think they started to find that weird and switched to phone] and she made me promise that if it snowed the next day, I would play in the snow with Danny.

The next day it was gray and pretty crappy, but I don't remember it snowing until later at night. I think it was too late to really go outside and play in it by the time there was any significant collection on the ground. The next night, though, I was going to go outside and play with Danny in the snow. I saw Morgan somewhere earlier, and she said she wanted to play in the snow or make a snowman too, so I told her she should come with Danny and me. I think Danny went outside first bceause he told a guy we call Jun ["June"] that he would go out and play with him, and then Morgan and I came out and found them later.

I can't remember if it was there at this point or not, but someone built a pretty large snow penis on the Andrew's Terrace. I think it must have been on Saturday night, because earlier that day I went down to the Reading Room and looked out the window at some kids playing soccer in the roughly fifteen inches of powdery snow that we got, and there was no way they were playing around that snow phallus. Sadly, the shaft of it was removed sometime in the last 24 hours, it seems. Anyway.

When Morgan and I went out there, after she told her boyfriend Greg that she was going to be playing in the snow, we saw two kids outside on the hills just beyond the terrace and weren't really sure if that was Danny and Jun, but we would probably play with them anyway, whoever it was. It was Danny and Jun, though. They had a couple "toys" too - Two trays from the VW that I think Jun stole that night, and two shelves that Jun had removed from his bookshelf. A lot of people steal trays to sled on - they're actually really good sleds. I went down once and went really quickly and lost control and got snow up my gloves and my hands were freezing later. Jun tried to use the shelves as a snowboard and almost got hurt a couple times, but not too seriously. Then we basically got in a snowball fight. I actually had a pretty good shot and got some people in the head a couple of times here and there. I also used the trays as a shovel and just picked up tons of snow and shoved it in peoples' faces. Someone pegged Morgan in the face with a snowball and all the snow got caught between her eye and her glasses, and even minutes later you could see droplets of water left over from that hit on the inside of her lenses.

Danny was wearing socks on his hands because his gloves didn't come yet. At one point he took of his hand socks to make a snowball because he could make it pack a little better that way. His hands must have been freezing! I don't think he was really wearing snow-worthy shoes, but I wasn't either. Somehow they didn't get too wet, though. I think it was because the snow was too dry - it didn't pack enough to build a snowman that night, but some kids built one in the grass near Alumnae Hall next morning, I think.

At one point Danny wanted to try his luck sliding down the railing of the stairs in the middle of the hills in front of the Andrews terrace. Morgan and I looked on and I think Jun was running around near the hall with a trashbag to protect himself from something (?) and kept telling Danny it was a bad idea. Even Danny said it was a bad idea. But he did it anyway. It went well, he was going down, sliding, etc., all fine until the railing leveled out and slammed into his crotch. He yelped a little bit and collapsed on the snow and just laid there on his back for a couple minutes.

This morning my mom was asking me if it snowed here recently, and I said no, not much since Friday or so. I really didn't think there had been any. But then I went outside, and I found that it had snowed probably another five inches, was still raining a tiny little bit, and was seriously just the most miserable weather/walking conditions you could imagine. I feel once going down stairs a few nights ago and cut my hand, and Danny fell twice, once going to The Gate. There was water coming from a lot of places and of course snow melting, and it was all right on the verge of freezing, so when I stepped in it my toes were as cold as I've ever felt them. I hated walking to the Ratty today so much I didn't even go back for dinner. I'm a little hungry.

Sometimes snow falls off the rooftops here - they're slanted on Andrews. I was sitting in the kitchen doing some MATH0180 work today and then I heard a lot of noise behind me, wondered what it was and quickly turned around, and just saw a little mini-avalanche going by the window. It was a pretty good amount of snow, and I imagine if you were walking underneath it you would have been very hurt from the 40-or-so-foot descent it would go through before hitting you. Let's work out this math problem.

a = -9.8
v = -9.8(t) + v_0, but v_0 = 0, so v = -9.8t
d = -4.9(t^2) + 12.30, because d_0 = 12.30 [the height of the roof] ; the snow would take 1.6 seconds to fall from the roof to the ground.

int(v) = $ 9.8(t) = 4.9(t^2) = 4.9(1.6^2) = 12.544

So yeah, that snow would hit you at 12.544 meters per second, which is about 30MPH. Pretty harsh. No one walks beneath the kitchen window, but people walk on the Andrews terrace, and I saw some fall there, too. That would blow pretty hard.

Danny and I walked in the road today because the snow was so bad on the sidewalks it wasn't worth it. There were no cars for a long time. I guess people just wanted to stay in today. We walked home with Christie and her friend whose name I don't know and I feel really bad about that. Christie didn't have a hat on and her hair got wet (with freezing water, I'm sure) and I felt really bad for her, but she had boots on so I guess we're even.

The people who clean up the snow here are pretty good. I remember the first night it snowed the paths were cleared as it was snowing multiple times, and they even cleared a path to the two main Andrews doors by the next morning. But I think they took Sunday off and that kind of sucked. Oh well, that's understandable.

Bed time.

Peace out!

Diana's Bath

I think for the past three or four years, I thought that Diana's Bath was in Eb or Bb. Today I found out it's in F.

Peace out.

Finals Period

We don't have normal classes at all during finals period. They're supposed to end on the 7th or so for reading period, but they all definitely HAVE to end by the 12th, so no more classes for anyone. All we have left are some tests and projects and papers. I have a paper due for my education class at 5PM on Saturday. It's mostly done but I don't feel like doing the grunt work that's left on it [reorganizing it]. I also have a test for Math 17 and Math 18 both at 2PM on December 18th. I was able to get the one for Math 17 moved to 11AM because there is a blind girl in the course who needs extra time to take math tests. Could you imagine trying to take a math test blind?

Anyway, I have nothing to do really and nowhere to be really except for what those tests demand. It's kind of a strange time.

Peace out.

My Room

I don't think I ever really described my room before. I feel like I should put that down somewhere.

So when you walk into the door - I'm at the end of the hallway, on the right - there's a little alcove on your right for the sink and mirror and towel racks and a light for said alcove. Most dorm rooms/college wouldn't have anything like this, but we do, so we never have to use the hall's bathroom to shave or brush our teeth or wash our face or mess with our contacts or anything. I guess that was really nice at first, but now I kind of lament the fact that we all have our own sinks and mirrors because we never have to go to the same bathroom all gross and disgusting and sleepy-eyed and see each other just that much more. Anyway. I keep most of my stuff on the sink - toothpaste and brush and etc., pretty much everything except for my shaving cream and razor because I don't use them enough and they're too big to justify keeping on the sink.

Behind the door when you walk in is my closet. Our doors slam, so we have to prop them open with brick(s). So my closet is often obscured by a door propped open with bricks. We have one brick that is half painted as a piano, and then Danny wrote on the other side, "lay me." Sam Schmerler thought that was a really good idea, so he wrote "LAY ME" on a brick and wanted to take it back to Keeney with him, but left it with us, and never returned to pick it up.

There's a safe in my closet. It's bolted there, and we can't move it. It's in PRIME shelf space, too, like, exactly the place where if somebody said to you, "Where's the last place you would want me to put this bulky, crappy safe?" that you would point to immediately. I We hate those safes.

The top shelf of my closet is for bulky stupid stuff that I don't want to think about or deal with. Stuff like the vacuum I haven't used, boxes for things in my room, suitcases and extra stuff, the fan I don't use anymore. On the shelf below that, I keep things like paper towels and napkins and plastic bags. Below that is the shelf with the safe on it, and I ended up keeping all the medicines I thought I might ever need on this one. Vitamins, sunscreen, Mucinex, Wal-Profen, etc. On the shelf below that is actually where I keep my food, two boxes of Cheerios, one of Life, my shaving kit, my peanut butter and crackers and my utensils. Below that is the box of Ritz crackers and all my extra towels and sheets and stuff. I keep my hamper in there, as well as the pile of jeans that I never feel like putting in the hamper. Oh, and also that I recycle. Oops. I also keep my hockey equipment in there, but I haven't used it yet here and it makes me very sad. I have some clothes/jackets hanging in there, too, but I really only use two coats here [the big black one and the tiny blue one].

If you walk past my closet, you've stepped onto my side of the room [the right side, basically]. Behind you and to your right, on a wall that juts out between my space and the sink, are some shelves. I keep my hat/glasses there, and magazines, mallets, my puzzles, books, bowls/cups, my shower caddy, and gym/sleeping clothes there. There's also a trashcan below it, and currently my sandals as well.

My clothes drawers are in the far right corner of my side, then next to that is my work desk, then my bed. My printer is on top of my clothes drawers. The top is for socks and nightshirts/etc. The second drawer is for all my regular shirts, which I now organize by color. I realized that I have a HUGE number of blue shirts [and I'm very happy about this]. The bottom drawer is for pants. I brought khakis, but I haven't worn them yet, so I put those in the back.

My work dest is sort of messy, but at the same time, not really. There's a ton of wires over on the right that go towards the surge protector behind the printer, but I know what all the wires are for. Whenever I unplug/take out my laptop, there are five wires just hanging out, but it only takes me like five seconds to plug them back in [USB Mouse, printer, ethernet, power, speakers]. My external harddrive is also on my desk, but I actually haven't used that too much. There's also my lamp, and my clock, and my phone, and usually my water bottle. My gloves, headphones, and letter stationary are also out right now, as well as the tiny ball of wall putty that I play with when I'm bored.

One of the nice things about college is that I ALWAYS know where the scissors are. All of those things are in my second drawer of my work desk all the time and never go anywhere else. It's really nice to have it be that easy, I guess.

Behind my printer, on the wall, is my photo board. There's a picture of it on Facebook if you haven't seen it already, but just incase FB or that picture ever disappears, but this doesn't, I have 20 pictures on there, of these people, from top left to bottom right: Jeremy T, Hetty N, Joe K, Kacey D, Katie R, Kelly D, Matt G, Kristin W, Nicki M, Beth O, Gina M, Sarah J, Steve! S, Steph D, Viv D, Trisha K, Abby M, Chloe G, Erik H, and Drew S. They're all black and white pictures, and I think all pictures that I took, except for the one of Gina and maybe the one of Kelly.

Behind my workdesk and bed are my posters that I made and love and posted here. I guess I'll explain them, from top left to bottom right. And for people who don't know me as well, they're posters of pictures I took and the titles to them all are songs I wrote.

tragicstory is a macro picture of a small flower/weed at the DCI show that Nicki, Viv and I went to in Allentown, PA, summer of 2007. It's the time we saw Mike and Katie and they hardly waved to us. And the time we saw the guy from Norristown and wondered if he actually had a tattoo on his leg. And the first time Nicki and I heard Scharton and asked the pit instructor of the Buccaneers what the name of it was so we could find it and use it. I think that might have been Tollie Contento, but I'm not sure.

strangeplace is a picture of the pier on 31st St. beach in Avalon, New Jersey. I think this was the time that I went down on my own, the day after Kristin's party. I wanted to wake up before the sun rose and drive there and see the sun come up over the water, but I missed my alarm, overslept, and missed it all. It was raining and stormy when I got there and thought it might make for a good picture, so I went and took a few and really like a couple of them. This is one of the ones I liked best.

onedayonenight is a picture of candles on the coffee table in front of the sofa in Gina's basement. On the second to last night, I think, we lit candles. I think we had five of them total [there are five in the picture]. I remember thinking it was going to be just about the last time I could light candles before I left for Brown, and I'm really glad with the way this picture turned out, it makes them look really beautiful. I was very sad when we had to blow those candles out.

singingfarewell is a picture of Katie R on the rocky jetti somewhere around 54th street in Ocean City, NJ. We were just walking on the beach and found that jetti and I thought it was really pretty and I would like pictures of it, so I got some just of the jetti and water and the pier nearby, but also some of Chloe and Katie with it. I think this is one of the better pictures of Katie that I have.

chemicalroad was taken at Chloe's house, at what I think was the last time I was at her house for a party before I left for Brown. We had a fire - a very large fire - that day. I remember this picture was taken when it was still light outside. Chloe's dad or uncle had just thrown a huge amount of fuel onto the fire and it got really big really quickly. Gina was laying on the hammock, and I took a picture. The fire looked really intense, and the smoke looked really ominous, and the scenery was beautiful and Gina looked so subtly amazed by the fire.

snowandlights is a picture of the Brandywine River, way down Smithbridge Road. I took it the day I drove around town with Steph and Kacey so they could take pictures of everything for their German exchange students and I could get pictures of things that I thought made Garnet Valley as awesome as it was. I think it was by far the best picture I got that day. Actually, I think it's the best picture I have, period.

goddamn is another picture that I took that day. I remember we were driving down Smithbridge Road either towards Cossart Road or toward the river, and Steph wondered if she would see any geese anymore this time down the road. There were some geese, and I made Steph take a picture. Come to think of it, we may have been driving back towards home from Smithbridge, or maybe it was a different road [but I don't think so]. In either case, I think this picture largely captures what the song God Damn was going for, except for maybe the geese, but they're cool anyway.

dysthymia was one of the first pictures I took with my camera. Like, within the first ten that I didn't delete, I think. I was sitting outside Jess J's house, and I just looked at my dashboard and thought, this could make a really pretty picture. So I took a couple shots. I can't remember if I had already talked to Jess or if I was waiting to go in and see her. I'm pretty sure I had already seen her.

thingsfallapart is a macro shot of the inside of my piano. My beautiful, fifty-four inch, Baldwin, baby grand piano that I like more than any piano in the world because it's the best piano in the world. In this picture you can just see some of the string pegs and some of the strings. I took it in the higher register because all of the string pegs have three strings around them. It's a really mellow picture.

Out of Bounds, the sketch comedy show, starts soon, so I think I'm going to go to that. Just for closing, my favorite pictures of the ones listed here, in order, are: snowandlights, singingfarewell, chemicalroad. It's really really close between 2 and 3, but snowandlights is by miles and leagues and years my favorite. Not really fair, though, because it's the one I colored blue. But I think it was the best even before that. People who come into my room all seem to agree that snowandlights is the best one, as well, though, so I'm pretty confident that it really was the best anyway.

Peace out!

Army/Navy Surplus

Today was not a very good day as far as temperature goes.

I first noticed this when it was EXTREMELY FREAKING COLD OUTSIDE. Like extremely cold.

The next time I noticed this was when I tried to unlock my bike. Noting the failures of locking my bike up behind Smitty B, I decide I would lock it up outside the stairs that lead to Metcalf Hall so I can just get it when I'm leaving the dorm [Metcalf is connected to Andrews Hall]. When I timidly took my freezing, freezing hands out of my pockets to grab the freezing, black, metal lock on my bike, and put the key in the hole and tried to turn it... I noticed there was a problem. It wasn't really turning. I kept trying and, after a few tries, I got it. I put it on my handlebars and locked it back up and went to the Ratty for breakfast. I had even more troubled there, but got it locked. I noticed there was ice inside the metal workings of the lock.

The next time I noticed there was a problem with this was when I COULDN'T UNLOCK MY BIKE. It's stuck at The Ratty. When I came out after breakfast, stuck. Same after lunch. I suspect it will be even more stuck tomorrow. I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I'll throw hot water on it after I steal some from the Ratty?

Well anyway. I also needed gloves because my hands are constantly freezing these days. I should also get boots, but those are way more expensive, so I just went for gloves. I went to the Army/Navy Surplus store on the east side of the north end of Thayer St. I'd gone there before, but like I said, I was dizzy and people were talking and it was weird and I didn't see what I wanted so I just left.

I went back in today. As I was walking in, I noticed a sign on the front door that said "Apartment for Rent," or something to that effect. I thought it was kind of strange that someone would advertise for an apartment on the window of an army/navy store. Anyway, walked in the door. Again, the first thing I saw were these little tiny green camo shorts with "BOOTY CAMP" written across the back, and I just thought to myself... there's no way this is legit army/navy stuff. This was confirmed as I looked through the store, and especially when I looked at the gloves. I was expecting something different, but oh well. I got a pair of $10 gloves and paid for them with my credit card.

Just as I was wrapping up, a guy walked in the door. He was slightly shorter than an average man, thin, white, and you can tell that he looked much older than he actually was. I remember noticing something about his eyes but I forget why now. He greeted the man at the counter who had just rung me up as if he was an old friend - I was actually under the impression they were old friends for a second. Then the man started talking, "Hey, my manager from CVS just told me to come over here to ask about an apartment." And the man at the counter said, "Oh, yeah, it's a three bedroom."

I couldn't believe someone was not only advertising an apartment at the army/navy, but actually looking for one there, and finally selling one there. I took a little bit of extra time getting my things together because I wanted to listen to this conversation.

The guy who was looking to rent said that it cost him $130 a week just to transport himself from his home [a town that starts with "A"] to and from work at CVS every week, so he had to move, because he only made $120 per week. He also mentioned that he worked at two CVSs. I thought that was really sad - that this guy who was probably 40 years old worked at two CVSs and was just $5 per week per store he worked at away from being able to ... not lose money by working. I don't know why, but there was something really tragic about the whole scene. Maybe I'm not communicating it. I guess it gets worse.

The guy at the counter said that the apartment was $1200 per month - which, doing the math, is what the guy makes in 10 weeks, not 4.5. There... just didn't seem to be any way it would work out. But he insisted he was going to buy it. He said he would be quiet, and he had a job, lots of money, and he had a roommate, so he'd be a good tenant. I think that made me really sad. That being quiet was something he used to sell himself to this guy. He said that he would come back on Friday to put down a deposit on the department - of $1200.

When he was asked if he wanted to see the place before he bought it, he refused. That was the last thing I heard before I left the store.

Peace out.

Regina Spektor

Last night, a little after 9:30, I went to the holiday a capella concert thrown by The Higher Keys [male and female, about 20 members, including Kayla and Sarah Kay] and The Bear Necessities [the group which I tried out for and didn't make callbacks]. A lot of our floor was going to go and we were all going to walk together, but for some reason my RC, Andy, was left behind with me, so we ended up walking together. It was freezing cold - I didn't take my hands out of the pockets of my thick black jacket once the entire way there. Earlier that day I had done so to ride my bike, and I couldn't feel my thumb when I went to lock it up. On the way there we talked about the Ratty, and how the morning after the Daylight Savings Time change, your body felt like it was waiting until 11:30 to eat breakfast, which sucked. Furthermore, a lot of people went at "10:30" which was actually 9:30 and had to sit there, hungry, waiting for an hour.

When we showed up, we ran into a couple people that seemed to know Andy, including one friend he had called as we were about to pass The Gate. There was a girl, I think named Kaylie(?) who was from Philadelphia and remembered me from the train up to Brown during ADOCH. Her grandmother lives in a development right off of Naaman's Creek Road, near the Wawa. She was friends with Sophie, an Asian girl in WORD that I've talked to a bunch of times and thought was nice, so we and Andy and his friend sat together during the show when they let us it. We were supposed to donate ($2?) to the Women's Hope Foundation to help women in [I think] the Dominican Republic who otherwise had no access to health care, but when they opened the doors everyone was so concerned about getting The Good Seats that no one donated. Maybe people did afterwards, I'm not sure.

The groups had decorated the chalkboards in the auditorium we sat in - the main hall of MacMillan. There was one board that was shaded green and said "HAPPY/MERRY/JOYOUS" and then one shaded in red beneath it that said something like "CHRISTMANNUKKWWAAKANZAKA." I can't recall exactly, but I remember thinking it made absolutely no sense. Just about the only other things I remember on the boards was an amalgamation of the letters "TBN," which I guess is the symbol for Bear Necessities, and I think a snowman drawing.

The show started very abruptly, I remember. The Higher Keys came out after a very short introduction by someone guy I don't know. I can't remember their first song, but I remember thinking it was by a kid who was a little bit awkward. After it was over, they started tuning for their second song, and Andy's friend said "Sounds like F major!" I asked Andy if he had perfect pitch and he said that he did.

At one point in the show, The Higher Keys's spokesman said something to the effect of, "I hope you guys stick around for the Bears 'cause they have even more kick-ass stuff for you all." A kid behind us in the audience said, "What? Is that meant to imply that this is kick ass?" You had to hear how angrily he said it, but it was funny, I promise.

I think it was actually the second song by The Higher Keys that I really liked. It was soft and slow, and the lead singer/soloist - I swear I've seen her before, but I don't think she's a freshman - had the most amazing high pitched voice I've ever heard. Like, operatic almost. I asked Andy if he knew who it was by, and he didn't know, so I asked Sophie and she said it was by Regina Spektor. I'd heard of Regina Spektor before but I didn't really like that one song of her's I heard [Fidelity, it turns out], but this one was very, very different and I could tell I liked it much more.

When I went home, I found the video for it on YouTube and I swear, in the past 24 hours, I must have listened to it 20-30 times. I don't think I know all the words, though, but I don't really care because I just like how it sounds. I really like a couple lines, though, like "The bible didn't mention us" and "kissed me 'till the morning light."

This morning I was talking to Viv and I told her that I feel in love with Regina Spektor last night, and she was very excited for me. She said that I should learn how to play Samson [the song I heard/fell in love with] on piano, and I said yeah, sometime I should. She got me the sheet music a couple minutes later from a Yahoo Group called Regispek. I figured I would play it tonight for midnight piano.

A little after 12, I decided I would go. It was very very cold outside again today. I couldn't feel my hands. I even went to the Army Navy Surplus store to buy mittens but got dizzy and didn't find anything and people were talking about NASCAR and poker so I left without any. It snowed a lot today, and I think there was still some snow coming down because my Samson sheet music is crinkled and wet, and there was a lot of ice on the ground and even/especially near the stairs on the Andrews Terrace and I was very afraid I was going to fall. I didn't wear a jacket or anything - just my Duke shirt and my "This is my Brown t-shirt?" white gym t-shirt - because I was just running to Alumnae Hall. I went in through The Gate, and saw Jasmine and Malcolm and Spencer and Danny, but really wanted to play so I just said hello and went on my way.

When I got up the spiral staircase that leads to the hall, I heard piano. I figured someone else must have figured out my trick. The lights were on, thankfully, and a door was open. I wasn't sneaky or anything, and they heard me come in [which is what I wanted]. There were actually three of them. It looked like one of them, whose name I found out was Kelly, was teaching the other two how to play, but I'm not sure. There was a guy on the bench, too, named Chris, and a girl whose name I really wish I could remember but can't. She had dark hair and skin and eyes and played classical piano and was an accompanist, but I can't remember her name.

When I got to the piano, I kind of just wanted to say hey and then go on my way - I could play another time. But they pretty much insisted that they were done. I still wanted to talk to them though and definitely didn't want them to leave/feel like I wanted them to leave, so I asked them how they got in and they told me through a window (!). I told them they could get in through the spiral staircase by The Gate, and they said they should use that from then on. I also told them if they had a friend in the Orchestra, they could ask them to get a key and then give it to them which I said was what I did, and that made them feel like they had to go, but I said again that no, they didn't have to leave. And they said they'd been there for a while and should, and I said No, you can stay! And Chris said they had school tomorrow, which I guess was a good answer, but I still wanted them to stay. One of them asked me why I came, and I told them about Regina Spektor and that I just wanted to play it tonight. It seemed like Chris and the girl whose name I forget knew the song. She asked me if I could play it. I wasn't sure if I could or not - I'd never looked at the music before - but I told her I might be able to play it and not sing it. So I put it on the music stand and told them to go along with me.

I started playing - five sharps (!), but I knew the chords for the most part right away so it wasn't too difficult for me. We couldn't sing it perfectly, and I messed up some of the timing, but I actually ... well, I liked playing and singing with them, I guess. And I wasn't nervous at all. I didn't even think about my nerves until this minute, actually. The girl whose name I can't remember said Chris was a good singer - and he was. But she was also better than she gave herself credit for.

I think it was actually after we finished playing that they introduced themselves to me, and the girl whose name I can't remember told me she wished she could read chords for her accompanying and that she was finally teaching herself how. We walked outside together, just for a minute, before they had to go to Keeney and I had to go back to Andrews. We have school tomorrow, of course...

On the way back, still wearing just just my two shirts, I heard someone call my name from the other side of the Andrews sidewalks. I looked over and saw Bekah, bundled up in a huge white coat. I told her that I'd been meaning to talk to her for a while but I never got the right time.

Peace out.