Christmas Light Driving

When I was a junior in high school, Erin and I went to look for Christmas lights. It was in my dad's old Q45 that he gave to me. I'm pretty sure it had a big dent on the side by that point, and things were going to get much worse with it soon. We drove around the neighborhood, and perhaps the neighborhood next to ours, and made our way down Kirk Road. At some point, I think we turned into Devon's neighborhood, and then I think we turned into Wasiq's neighborhood because we knew there was that one house in there that was always INCREDIBLY lighted.

We didn't know how to get out of his neighborhood, though (we didn't know he lived there at the time...), and I guess we came out on Naamans Creek Road, and I guess I made a right turn. It turned out this was the opposite direction of home, and ended up taking us toward Kacey and Steph's neighborhood, which I think I was familiar with by that time.

It's a left turn into the neighborhood, and it comes up a hill. Erin was in the passenger seat. I put on my signal and slowed down to make the turn, everything looked fine, so I went. Out of nowhere, I saw headlights.

Crap.

They're coming fast. I remember seeing them and immediately fearing that I was about to get Erin killed. I don't remember thinking anything at all except for some appropriate obscenities, but I suppose I was aware enough somehow to floor it, and we made it into the neighborhood safely.

Once we got in, I just about died. I remember I freaked out. Things feel sort of light when this sort of freak out happens, and I don't feel nauseaus, but more like I'm about to pass out. Sometimes I get dots in my vision, coming in from the side. My legs feel almost out of control, although they don't shake. I'm just afraid that I can't control them. I had pulled over, I think, because I didn't want to drive around like that.

I forget if Erin realized how scared I was of what just happened or not. I think she did. I wanted to go home after that, and I think we basically went right back. I never would have forgiven myself if I had gotten her hurt that night. I'm ten times more cautious about that hill now.

Peace out.

How Tests Should be Taken

I took my Econ 002 final exam today in the Eisenhower Auditorium, which fits over 1,100 kids, since my instructor for that class actually teaches about 1,100 kids. We waited outside for a while, and then went in a line into the auditorium. A guy used a clicker to count how many of us went in, and we were given a scantron by another girl at the door. We waited to go into the rows of the auditorium, and since the chairs didn't have writing boards, we were given hard tablets to write on. The shadows from the lights made it really distracting to fill in the circles on your sheet.

When we were done, we had to go up to the auditorium stage on the right, get our ID checked against the ID we put on the paper, then hand our scantron and test book to another person. I finished my test and got in line to hand my test in. It took me about five minutes just to get to the back of the line, because it went to the very back of the auditorium and people couldn't "curl around" anymore. It took me another ten minutes to get to the front of the line and hand in my test. By the time I got up, the line was wrapping around the entire many-thousand people auditorium. It's possible the line went out the door of the auditorium shortly after.

The whole time I just kept thinking to myself, ironically, "Yeah, this is how tests should be taken."

Peace out.

Sharon

One Saturday night last year after a drumline practice, everyone went to Sean's apartment southeast of campus to hang out for a little bit. We watched Family Guy movie and maybe something else, but I forget what. I think Sean's roommates came in and out, and I think at least one was a girl, but I could be wrong.

I guess it was nearing the end of the season, and people were wondering who was going to do it again next year and who wouldn't join. I think I was asking Brooke, the pianist, one of my better friends that year, if she was going to be there next year. She said probably not. One of the reasons was she was afraid Tollie wouldn't be there, and the other was she feared she couldn't afford it.

Sharon was one of our older members, I think she aged out. She'd done a lot of corps and lines before. She overheard, or was in our conversation. She was standing at the end of the kitchen, holding a drink in her hand, in the low light. When she heard what Brooke said, she very forcefully said, "Do NOT let money stop you from doing anything. I swear to god. The ONLY thing that matters is the memories you have with people."

Peace out.

Pictures that make you wanna say FUCK YEAH

Some animal pictures that make you wanna whip our your switchblade comb, take a Lucky Strike from your pocket and nod to yourself, FUCK YEAH. Thanks to the guys at SomethingAwful.

Peace out!

Drumline Weekend

My last final is on Friday. I've gotten over the frustration of having to stay here all week as my friends leave. But I still have drumline on Saturday and Sunday, so I have no chance at all to go home until December 21st, when some of my friends have now been home for 5 days. I'm getting really upset, because I miss my friends a lot, and Christmas is going to feel extremely rushed because I'll only have three days to do shopping and to enjoy the season. I really want to be home, so I can have a fireplace, and my own piano.

Peace out.

Springfield Party

There was a party for Springfield Thon this weekend, Saturday night around 8. I knew my friends were going to a comedy improv show for Full Ammo before then, so I hung around working on a new website for my music until about 10. I think that it was about then I set out for the party. I wasn't sure exactly where I was going, but I found the building. I walked in at the same time as Jackie and a male friend of hers - she's a family chair for us. I looked for the stairs, but couldn't find them, so I took the elevator with the two of them. I actually wasn't sure who she was or where she was going exactly until when we got out of the elevator and headed for the same room numbers.

The first room I went into was 310. Some kids were playing a drinking game when I went in, I think, and it was very very very crowded and very small. I didn't know many people and I sort of felt uncomfortable. I made my way further into the apartment and Liz Fin came inside and noticed me, so we talked. She asked me what was going on, but my life has been lame recently, and she talked to me about her life for a little bit. She said she was leaving soon, and I said I probably was too, but I was going to check out the other room first.

So I went to 309. I think the first person I noticed was Mike, so I walked behind the kitchen and asked him how it was going, and he said good. I remember noticing a girl somewhere near him, but I forget who and why. I saw Dana dancing - one of the many people dancing, most of the girls wearing antlers for the holiday theme - and she excitedly said hello, so I did as well. I felt pretty uncomfortable because this room was essentially nothing but dancing; the music was much louder than the other room, and it was probably even more crowded. I saw a lot of kids I knew, mostly freshmen. I told Dana I wasn't sure I was going to stay very long, but that maybe I'd go to the other room before I left, and she said she'd go with me. So we went, but it was as strange as before, so she grabbed my hand and took me back out of the room and said that everyone would want me to say hi.

So I went with her to 309 again for a little bit and said hello to some people. Satbyol hugged me, and I said hey, how are you to whoever I knew that I saw. Matt was dancing with his shirt off. I said that I was probably going to go, and Dana looked disappointed. I think she was trying to make sure that I had a good time, and felt like she didn't do a good enough job. It's really not her fault, I'm just not the kind of guy that can have a good time at parties like those.

I took the elevator down again, and Jackie and her friend got in with me. We talked about Springfield, and parted ways at the road.

Peace out.

A Terrible Week with My Bike

My bike wheels had been getting really flat, so I brought it inside on Tuesday to inflate the tires. Using a tiny pump that my dad got me before I went to Brown, I tried to inflate the wheels in the stairwell of Simmons because it was too cold to do it outside. People passed by and wondered a bit what I was doing, but I guess they figured it out. At some point, putting the pump onto the air spout thing completely deflated my rear wheel, so the bike was totally useless 'till I got it fixed. Then the air spout thing receded into the bike. FML, as I like to say.

So I brought it to my room and got the spout out using some tweezers, but still had no luck with the reinflation. Dana helped me look up what to do on the internet and it was still no help. I called my dad to ask him, and he said to try for another pump, 'cuz mine might be broken. So I did; Dan had one that didn't fit my outlet, but Matt had one that did, and it actually worked, so I got my bike back on Thursday, I believe.

On Friday morning, my lock was frozen shut. I've written about this before. I slammed some ice out of the lock, but still no luck. Somewhat self-consciously, I spit on it figuring that spit is warm, and it'd melt whatever was jamming it. I waited a few seconds and - surprisingly, embarassingly almost - it worked.

As you might know, my flash drives are on my keychain, and when I was handling the lock, my keys fell out of the hole and my flash drives slammed on the ground, and the harddrive of one fell out onto the wet ground. FML. I put it back together and decided to pay more attention to it once I got to class. So I put the lock on properly, and got ready to go.

I have to put my pedals in place before I get on the bike, and as I kicked them into place, the chain popped off.

So I locked up my bike and walked to class. I haven't put the chain back on yet.

Peace out.

16 Things

A Facebook thing was going around recently where you were supposed to tell 16 things about yourself. I didn't really feel like doing it, but I figured it was a good excuse to spend time thinking about memories I'd sort of been meaning to write down but couldn't force myself to. Anyhow, here you go, all completely true to the best of my knowledge:

1. I went to pre-school at Elam Love & Learn, which is on Smithbridge Road, basically across the street from Bruster’s, just next door to Megan’s. In the mornings sometimes we would fold a piece of paper into nine squares and write the same letter in each square. Sometimes we’d have time to play, and there was a girl named Alex that I “liked” and usually played with. One time we were playing with wooden blocks and we made a ‘stretcher’ out of them and laid me on it, as if I were hurt, and a kid named Dave asked if he could play too. We thought he was weird because he pretended to be a vampire, and we stuck our tongues out at him, and he cried and got us in trouble. This is my first clear memory.

2. I almost drowned sometime before I was in about third grade. There was an old beach house (condominium) that we had in Avalon on the bay, and there was a bulkhead in the front, and a dock below it that would rise and fall with the tides. You could jump from the bulkhead to the dock line if you wanted to, but sometimes the jump could be eight feet or more. Once, on a cold day, I was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants outside in the evening and I jumped from the bulk to the dock, but I couldn’t stop my momentum, and I feel in the water. I started screaming because I was scared and my clothes were heavy. My dad happened to be on the dock at that moment, and ran over and pulled me out. I went inside and took a warm bath for a while. My sister and her friend Becky checked to make sure I was okay (must have had a swimsuit on). I might have died if my dad hadn’t been outside.

3. The first song that I ever legitimately learned on piano was Do You Hear What I Hear. After my first piano lesson with Mrs. Pino, I went home with my mom and played through the first bit of it over and over and over and over again, and she sat there patiently as I messed up over and over and over and over again. I think I was in fourth grade. If I had kept up that kind of determination, I’d have been the best piano student of all time. Unfortunately, I started being told to play songs I didn’t want to play. I quit on and off until 9th grade. The reason that I started playing piano seriously again was because of the version of “Best Imitation of Myself” on Ben Folds Live, which my sister made me listen to in the car one day for basically no reason at all. Thank god for it.

4. I used to post on the forums at GameFAQs.com a LOT. There was a discussion board called The Forum, mostly for political and “philosophical” discussion, that I frequented. There were a bunch of other regulars – Ryoko, an Asian woman, Chemocles, a nice married dude, ghost sgt, an old cynic with three daughters, propheticfiction, who I think cut up birds, yars, who was hilariously sarcastic at all times, Polemos and Epistemizer, who wrote 2,000 word long posts when everyone else wrote five sentences. I never told my age but everyone knew I was The Young One. It was nice to sort of have a second ‘group of friends’ like that, and that you could always debate with but still like, ‘cuz it’s just the internet. Over time the board got taken over by people we didn’t like, and I tried to make another board for us to post at, but it fell apart too. It was actually a good time in my life, and I would enjoy if I could find something like it again.

5. One time when I was in second grade, I got on the school bus and didn’t realize that I hadn’t brought my backpack. My teacher was Mrs. Hopkins, who was very very nice. Back then, I was really really uptight, and sort of mean. When I got closer to school, I somehow realized I didn’t have my backpack, and I got *incredibly* nervous. I walked into class and tried to contain myself, but before the first bell even rang I felt sick. By the time all the kids were out of the hallway, I had asked Mrs. Hopkins if I could go to the nurse, and she let me – I think I was very pale. I threw up in the hallway before I made it there, I think right in front of the library at Concord Elementary School. Yes, I was so nervous about forgetting my backpack that I threw up. Mrs. Hopkins didn’t even care I forgot it.

6. We used to play football every day during recess in middle school. I can’t remember everyone there, but Greg Davis, Sean Haggerty, John Kernicky, Paul Skulski, and a whole bunch of other kids would play. I was okay, I usually got picked in the front half of the daily draft of teams. I could run forever. I was always the one that brought the football. The last days of 6th grade were kind of confusing and I didn’t know when we’d have recess and when we wouldn’t, but I thought that it ended a certain day, so I didn’t bring my ball the next day. Turns out it was a perfect day, and we had recess. Sean Haggerty got really angry at me, I remember he pushed me while saying, “We’re not gonna play football on the last recess of our young lives.” I sort of knew I screwed up, but it really wasn’t that big a deal. I forget what we did instead.

7. I had a couple online journals before chemicalroad. The first one was actually on livejournal, but I’m not giving the link to that because it’s terrible. I started that one because a girl who liked me asked me to and I did it because I can’t say no sometimes. I only wrote once or twice, then I realized I didn’t like her and she went psycho, tried to make me jealous, and then disappeared. Her name was Brenda. The next one was xanga.com/poulemarchus, which was my screen name before Singing Farewell. That one went for a while, but stopped when I found out my parents were reading it. I hate it when my parents screw up things like that; an entire year of my life in writing disappeared because of it. I eventually started xanga.com/stateownedmedia, but only wrote in it a few times. I still like to go back and read them every now and then. I’m not sure anyone can read the poulemarchus one right now though.

8. My mom found out that one of my legs was longer than the other when I was young and she realized my underwear and pants didn’t fit right on my hips. I had to have a lift put into my left shoe for a long time, like an inch thick in seventh grade. Kids used to call me “spice girl” in school, and kids at soccer camp called me “boots.” It was really annoying and I wanted to punch people and make fun of their acne, or ugly eyes, or terrible haircuts, or crooked teeth, but I didn’t. I got the growth plates in my right knee broken in 8th grade to fix the problem. I told people I had the cast because of a surfing accident, or because my brother beat me up, because I felt like telling a cool story. People believe me but I think most people found out eventually. If I didn’t have this problem I’d be six-foot-one. No one asks me about my shoes anymore, unless they’ve caught on fire recently.

9. When I was young, I really liked the song “Masterpiece.” I forget who it was by. Anyway, I actually liked it because I thought he was saying “I found a *monster* piece in you,” rather than masterpiece in you. I had a weird visual understanding of it in my head, and I just thought it was an incredible concept. I mean, this was like kindergarten.

10. My family had a computer when I was really young, a while before 2nd grade, and we had the internet through a provider called Prodigy. It was really terrible and slow, but I was too young to tell the difference. I found a game somewhere once involving a girl and an adventure through pre-historic times with dinosaurs, and always wanted to play it a second time, but I don’t think I ever found it again. This is my only memory of Prodigy.

11. I got a blanket before I had a memory. It was white and had some sort of design on it, although I’m not sure what. It’s ragged and brown/yellow/white now. I still sleep with it every night. Deal with it.

12. I used to be really obsessed with tractors and trucks, and I was convinced I would drive one for my job when I grew up. I thought people would pay for rides in 18-wheelers. Turns out I was wrong. I used to always make “towns” for tractors that I would take to the beach when I was young. In my old house, we had a living room with pink carpet and a lot of open space, and I would spend hours and hours with little metal tractors “mowing” the carpet, making straight lines with their metal wheels from one wall to another, back and forth. I idolized Scott, our lawn guy.

13. I used to be completely phobic of being alone. It started one day when my brother and neighbor convinced my mom left for good and was never coming back. After that, I would be one room away from my mom and afraid she was gone, and we had this conversation a thousand times: “MOOOM!?!?” “What?!” “…just checking.” Sometimes I got scared and did it at night when I was sleeping, or when we were both sleeping. Sometimes when I woke up in the middle of the night I’d check on them to make sure both of my parents were still there.

14. I have a lot of things wrong with me. When I was born, my tear ducts were messed up and I had to have surgery on them. I was diagnosed with Tourette’s when I was around 12, but I’m pretty sure that was inaccurate, or it went away. One leg was longer than the other. I’m losing my vision. I have an irregular heartbeat, but apparently it’s nothing dangerous. I have pecsis, meaning one set of ribs sticks out unequally against the other.

15. I never really know what my songs are about when I’m writing them. They sort of take on meaning retroactively, and sometimes they just take on extra meanings, and it happens to be a cooler meaning. For instance, when I wrote Singing Farewell, I imagined it as a song to a living friend from a deceased friend. Turns out it’s a way cooler song if you think about it more in the context of a graduation. Those sorts of things happen in almost all my songs. Some might say that’s cheap, but I think it’s cool, almost like I subconsciously have a meaning that I just need a month and a dozen listens to figure out.

16. Last one, about the future this time. I’d love to make a difference in the world, but I have no idea how. It’s so intimidating. Should I spend it working with poor people, maybe in undeveloped nations? Be a teacher? Just be a really good friend to everyone? Be a politician? I don’t know. I sort of realize that even though I’ve surrounded myself with beautiful things and people that I love endlessly, there are a lot of terrible things in the world that would crush your soul if only you could consider them simultaneously. I’d love to be the world’s hero and have everyone be, at the very least, safe and content. Not for the recognition, just because I want people to be safe and happy. But there’s so, so much inertia otherwise.

I might go into more detail on some of these at some point if I feel like it, or if someone asks me to.

Peace out!