When I went to Uncle Bill's house for Thanksgiving this year, I noticed some pictures and things dedicated to Carli's memory that I hadn't noticed before. One of them was a funeral notice. I think there might have actually been two in the house. It had a picture of her and a time/date/place of where her funeral and viewing would be. It also had a two lines where it said:
Given by God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Returned to God
And had her birthday and the date she died listed underneath. I don't know why, but those word choices really got to me, and made me really sad. Not that I was angry that it had to do with religion or something, they just seemed particularly sweet. I didn't cry though. I did cry later when we had to leave Nana in the hospice and realized the chances keep getting much, much lower that I'll ever see her again. I tried to hide it from my parents but I'm pretty sure my dad figured it out. I sniffled in the car, and didn't do any work.
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I can't believe I'm about to say this, but:
I bought the new Fallout Boy CD.
I've had it in the player in my car pretty much ever since, except for a break to listen to Arms Trader from This American Life. I used to be able to hit an F# above a middle C. Since I got the CD, I've had a lot of time to drive alone and belt at the top of my lungs with no one to listen or criticize, which is a great way to extend your range. I can almost get to an A above middle C now. That's three half-steps in like 10 days. Which is pretty awesome for someone who's been singing for a couple years now.
I actually just got back from a drive that I took just so I could sing at the top of my lungs. As a general update, I really hate college life and am doing my best to ignore it. So one of the ways to do that is to drive around screaming. I realized that even though I'm alone in the car singing, I still sometimes feel a little self-conscious, just a tiny bit, like I'm embarrassed of myself, usually when I reach for a really high note with my throat voice and squeak instead of sing. I'm a tiny bit surprised that I still feel awkward about it, but it's okay.
Peace out.
