Customers 3

A week or two ago, three teenage girls came into the store. One of them was wearing a sort of showy blue top and short jean skirt. She was probably like fifteen, but maybe a bit older. She asked for gum, and for some reason I thought there was something a little bit strange about her. I suppose it was the ukelele that she brought into the store.

She and her friends ended up just getting some stuff for the movies. As I was ringing her up, I asked her, "Are you taking that ukelele to the movie theater?" And in a sort of airy and detached voice, she answered, "Yeah, I take it everywhere I go...!" I didn't really know what to make of the response. I really was curious if she was taking that ukelele to the movie theater and why, but I didn't feel like pushing to find out. She also thanked for me for noticing that it was a ukelele and not a miniature guitar, which apparently is a common mistake.

I suppose I was just a little thrown off by the whole thing. I mean, come on. A ukelele.

//

Just about at close last night, the door opened and I heard some barely pubescent girls screaming "HAHA I LOVE YOU" to someone outside. They walked up to the counter and basically accosted me right away, which is really annoying. I forget what things they asked me, but one of them said, "You're kinda cute," to which I didn't respond, beacuse they were scabby teen hos [ouch] and probably the age of like, Abby's sister. And dressed really skanky. And just overall very obnoxious and sort of skeeving me out. Then they loudly joked, "LET'S GO GET SOME CONDAMS." I think they asked me if we sold condams, so I pointed them in the direction of them. I didn't think they would get them since they were like, 13.

A couple minutes later they came back. Three of them were holding a Durex Pleasure Pack in their hands, and they bought them and asked me to keep the receipts. "No receipts, please," one said. They asked me if I smoked because I was trying to remove the safety from one of the lighters, but I said no. They asked me if I would serve them, and I said no. To be honest, I might have if they weren't obnoxious scabby teen hos, but as it were, they were obnoxious scabby teen hos, and I'm not bending the rules for you if I don't like you.

They proceeded to sit outside and accost passerbys for a while. I heard someone shout at them later, "GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL." I'm pretty sure they were in middle school, so that must have been a huge boost for their ego. Oh well. At least they're having safe sex.

//

A man came in with two rolls of 24 exposure 35mm film. Every one of the 48 pictures was the same birdhouse and a few birds. He said he and his wife sat there for hours taking pictures of it.

//

Around close last night, a guy and a girl came in and looked around. A minute later another guy, wearing a white shirt and jeans, asked me where the pregnancy tests were, assuring me "It's not for me." It turned out he was with the guy and girl that had come in before... they might have come together but I missed that. He had blonde hair and the other two had dark hair, all probably about 23 years old.

A minute or two later they came back with a pregnancy test and bought it. They were joking that it "Wasn't for them," or something like that. I swept it under the desk to deactive any security devices that might be on it, since things like that are often stolen. I told them why I was doing that and they were like, "People steal these?" So I said, "Yeah, basically anything to do with sex.... so like, pregnancy tests, condoms, lubricant..." They all thought that was pretty funny, and I added, "Yeah, and the yeast infection stuff... basically anything with those three letters." To which the black haired guy added, "Haha, V-A-G."

After they paid, they asked, "Do you have a bathroom?" ((o_O)) Yes, we do. So I asked Dave to take them to the bathroom, and he came back a couple minutes later.

"Dude, Sarah is so skeeved out. The girl was like 'Man, this is really dirty,' but then all three of them went into the bathroom to use the test. Why do you need to do that?"

I thought it was hilarious, that they would go into the bathroom with her as she peed on a stick. They came out a couple minutes later, all very exited, and somehow they told us that she was negative. As they walked out, very excited, she said to Dave, "Have a nice night!" And then she said to me, "And you! WRAP IT UP!! Don't get the HIV!"

Peace out.

Five Dollars

When I was in first grade I wore sweatpants basically every day. I remember one time in 5th grade I bought two pairs of khaki pants and Shawn Hagerty said to me in the hallway, "God, you finally got some real pants." I didn't even know he knew who I was, let alone that he noticed my legwear habits.

Anyway. One day in first grade, wearing my sweatpants (the black ones, in my memory), I reached into my pocket on the playground at recess and pulled out a $5 bill. I remember it was a sunny day, and I remember being near the bench where the adults would always sit - if you looked at the school from the playground, it'd be the closest and leftmost corner. I had no idea where the money came from - I never brought money to school - and I said, "Wow! Look, I found $5 in my pocket!"

I don't know who I was standing with or why, but one of the kids was Justin Reader. He said, "Did you say $5? I think I lost $5 earlier in the cafeteria." I didn't think it was really possible that it would end up in my pocket if he lost it - I never picked up money that I saw lying around - but he insisted. "No, I lost $5 in the cafeteria today, that's mine." He was bigger than me and to be honest I was a little bit scared of him, so I said okay and gave him the money.

I went home that day and somehow I ended up telling my parents about it. I don't think I was that upset about it, but apparently one of my parents thought that it needed to be dealt with. They called the Reader family and told them what happened.

That night, sometime when it was dark, our doorbell rang. I remember opening the door and it being very dark behind the two people there, Mr. Reader and his son. Crying quite a bit, Justin handed me an envelop with $5 in it and, I believe, a written apology, and managed to say "I'm sorry" to me while he was there.

I remember not feeling particularly good about this episode. For one thing, I was afraid of Justin and seeing him crying was extremely unsettling to me. Furthermore, I didn't really care about the $5 from what I remember. In retrospect, it definitely wasn't worth the $5 to make that kid feel that bad, or to teach him whatever lesson he might have learned if he didn't know it already.

His dad died of pancreatic cancer years later. I don't know how my parents always knew about his condition, but I remember hearing about it for a long time before his death. For people unfamiliar, pancreatic cancer is basically a death sentence with a mysterious time frame and a swift, painful end. When I heard about his passing all I could think about was Justin crying at my door that one night with his dad, whose face I can't even remember looking up to see.

Peace out.

Hockey Fight

There was a fight at hockey this Sunday.

My team is the Chargers, and one of the best players on our team is a 6'2" jovial guy named Nick. He's a joker but also a good leader, plays clean most of the time but can dish out trash talk when he needs to. We also have a guy on our team named Dan who's a bit older, a bit bigger, and often complains of back problems.

We were playing a team called Orange Slice. We were destroying them so badly that their best player quit, leading us to destroy them even more badly - something like 7-1 with a few minutes left. They got a bit of relief when one of their players slapped the puck into the net from the top of the circle, making it 7-2. The very next drop of the puck, though, Nick drove up through two of their players - who were playing very dirty defense - right up to the net, passed it off, and let the other winger score. On the way back, the defenders tried to tell Nick that he was playing dirty and he just smiled and laughed and said, "Yeah man, I'm garbage, absolutely."

I guess their team was getting frustrated by the crushing score. Their center, who I call Short Fat Angry Italian Man (SFAIM), got very upset in particular. He came up to the drop with me and shouted, "IS THERE ANYONE ON YOUR TEAM THAT ISN'T MENTALLY RETARDED?" I thought about telling him where I went to school this fall but decided not to. He slashed very roughly when the puck was dropped.

It went back into our zone after that drop with about 40 second left on the clock. Nick was defending the guy with the puck and skating along with him behind the net. I guess Nick was a little feisty right then, so he just railed the guy into the boards. Once he was on the ground, he started pummeling him, and the guy started pummeling back.

At the same time, inside the circle on our goalie's left, SFAIM slashed Dan in the back of the knee, taking Dan to the ground, but Dan took SFAIM to the ground with him. I believe Dan just pulled the guy's shirt over his head, removing his helmet, as the guy removed his gloves, but they didn't fight. There were two referees, and one of them dealt with each of the brewing fights.

Nick and his guy had actually punched each other, but SFAIM and Dan had not. Once the refs separated them, though, SFAIM didn't calm down. His faced turned red and he strained and shouted at Dan: "YOU P***Y! YEAH YOU LEAVE YOUR F***ING HELMET ON P***Y! YOU JUST ENDED YOUR F***ING LIFE MAN I'LL F***ING KILL YOU IN THE PARKING LOT."

The game ended before we were allowed to play anymore. We went to our bench to get changed, and got word that Nick might be suspended for the next game because he and his guy had actually thrown punches. Dan appeared safe for the moment. We talked about how funny it was that SFAIM was getting so upset over recreation Men 25+ roller hockey. Nick said, "Yeah I mean, I might get a little pissed off for those thirty seconds and throw my body around but once the game's over what the hell do I care? I'm over it!" We all agreed. He said he used to get really upset when he was twelve and he played in tournaments that "actually mattered," but not for things like this.

As we were changing and talking, SFAIM man started walking to our bench and accosting Dan, asking if he was too p***y to come out to the parking lot and fight him. The thin ref got in his way and told him to leave, and one of our team members and two guys from the Vipers (playing after us) told him to quit the league and go home.

We weren't going to let Dan walk out alone, so I walked out with him and JT (who is very muscular). When we got out there, SFAIM was actually waiting around on his little blue car with three of his friends and approached us: "Oh, so there you are you f***ing p***y." Dan just kept walking straight and the guy came up to him and lined up to throw at him what he had in his hand - an empty Dasani water bottle. I wanted to laugh, but I suppose it would have been a bad time. I know how much water bottles hurt... and it's not much.

Anyway, in retaliation, JT wound up to punch the guy, and SFAIM flinched big time, but Dan told JT to stop. JT could have pounded the crap out of the guy, but there were four fighters for them and basically JT for us. The fat ref came out and told us to stop and go to our cars, so we went home.

I don't know if SFAIM is actually Italian. He could very well have been Eastern European, or basically any other European descent.

Peace out.