Five Dollars

When I was in first grade I wore sweatpants basically every day. I remember one time in 5th grade I bought two pairs of khaki pants and Shawn Hagerty said to me in the hallway, "God, you finally got some real pants." I didn't even know he knew who I was, let alone that he noticed my legwear habits.

Anyway. One day in first grade, wearing my sweatpants (the black ones, in my memory), I reached into my pocket on the playground at recess and pulled out a $5 bill. I remember it was a sunny day, and I remember being near the bench where the adults would always sit - if you looked at the school from the playground, it'd be the closest and leftmost corner. I had no idea where the money came from - I never brought money to school - and I said, "Wow! Look, I found $5 in my pocket!"

I don't know who I was standing with or why, but one of the kids was Justin Reader. He said, "Did you say $5? I think I lost $5 earlier in the cafeteria." I didn't think it was really possible that it would end up in my pocket if he lost it - I never picked up money that I saw lying around - but he insisted. "No, I lost $5 in the cafeteria today, that's mine." He was bigger than me and to be honest I was a little bit scared of him, so I said okay and gave him the money.

I went home that day and somehow I ended up telling my parents about it. I don't think I was that upset about it, but apparently one of my parents thought that it needed to be dealt with. They called the Reader family and told them what happened.

That night, sometime when it was dark, our doorbell rang. I remember opening the door and it being very dark behind the two people there, Mr. Reader and his son. Crying quite a bit, Justin handed me an envelop with $5 in it and, I believe, a written apology, and managed to say "I'm sorry" to me while he was there.

I remember not feeling particularly good about this episode. For one thing, I was afraid of Justin and seeing him crying was extremely unsettling to me. Furthermore, I didn't really care about the $5 from what I remember. In retrospect, it definitely wasn't worth the $5 to make that kid feel that bad, or to teach him whatever lesson he might have learned if he didn't know it already.

His dad died of pancreatic cancer years later. I don't know how my parents always knew about his condition, but I remember hearing about it for a long time before his death. For people unfamiliar, pancreatic cancer is basically a death sentence with a mysterious time frame and a swift, painful end. When I heard about his passing all I could think about was Justin crying at my door that one night with his dad, whose face I can't even remember looking up to see.

Peace out.