Jen's Mom

Sometime in the middle of this summer, before Kristin went to Spain, I went for a walk with her down Smithbridge Road to visit Jen Vitlip, because I told her I would, and I told Kristin I would walk with her, too. I took a picture of Kristin on the way down there when someone called her - I forget who it was, but I think it was a girl. We stopped on the bridge to make sure we didn't get hit by cars, and admired how pretty it was from there. The neighborhood - that little cul-de-sac - at the bottom of Smithbridge Road, is actually particularly beautiful, and if you are reading and live in that Glen Thrills, you should check it out sometime, really.

We knocked on the door, and I think an aide for Jen's mom answered. I knew Jen's mom was very sick - in a wheelchair with muscular dystrophy, or multiple sclerosis, or some similarly degenerative muscle disease - but I didn't know how sick, or that she needed aides. It was a young, nice black woman with long hair, and we asked if we could talk to Jen or Josh, and they both came out. We went to the back of their house and tried to find places to sit. I think the grass was a little wet, but it was also very hot that day. I sat on a piece of wood, I think, meant to cover up some sort of outlet. I took some pictures of the pond beyond us. There were snapping turtles in it, they said, and it was covered with algae. There were some benches too, I think, but at least one of them was completely overrun with ivy. I forget what we talked about exactly - Genuardi's, friends, ... - but I think this was when I told Jen that I wanted to bake cookies one day and run around town giving them to friends, and yes, she would be one of them.

We talked about cats, I think. I forget if I asked to go inside, or if they had to go inside because the aide that had answered the door for Kristin and I was on her way out, but we walked back up and went inside. I think Jen went to check on her mom, and Josh took us to try to find the cat(s). We found at least one, in someone's bedroom. It was a pretty cat and it looked pretty nice, but Josh said it didn't really like people, and it ran away when I tried to get close enough to it to pet it.

I think I said I was hungry, or something along those lines, or wanted to find their other cat (if I'm correct that they had two), so we went toward the kitchen in search of Lucky Charms (which I did get), and her mom was in the kitchen in her wheelchair. I suppose wheelchair isn't quite the right word, because it was electric and had much more to it than just wheels. It also held her head in place if she needed it to. Her head was hung low when we walked into the room, but at one point she asked Jen if she could lift her head up. So Jen lifted her head up, and then pulled a strap across her forehead that was attached to the sides of the head cradle at the top of the chair. It was large and black, I think, with a wide base, although I can't remember much more about it.

I didn't know how to react to her mom, and I felt bad about it. I remember reading or seeing or hearing somewhere that summer that people with disabilities hate being ignored just like anyone else hates it, and hate being treated differently, and hate it when people try to pretend they don't have whatever condition they have. So I really wanted to just react to her as I would react to any other of my friends' parents, and I said hello to her, and maybe asked her how she was, but I didn't know what else to do. I would have liked to have talked to her, but her voice seemed extremely weak and I guess I was afraid that it was difficult for her to talk. I would have liked to have asked her if she was doing okay how she was, maybe, that would be very bold for me and maybe inappropriate.

We left soon after, and I talked to Kristin about it. I said that I felt bad, and I wanted to talk to her again, the way I'd talk to anyone else, if I could. I put it on my list of things to accomplish by the end of the summer - Talk to Jen about her mom, with the intention of talking to her mom again. Somehow I never found the time to do it.

I found out today that her mom died sometime over the summer. Jen is a really strong kid, and so is Josh, so I think they'll be okay, but it must have been terribly sad to lose her, and to lose her in that kind of battle. And I felt upset at myself for not doing anything. I suppose ultimately it wouldn't have made a difference in any case, but I still wish I had known what to do, and if she liked people to talk to her, and if I could have talked to her and had a conversation with her. If it were possible I would still like to know, but I don't think that's the kind of thing I can ask anymore.

Peace out.