I Am Woman Hear Me Lure

I had dinner with Kerri the other day, and it went much too quickly, so we hung out in her room for a while afterward. I picked up the guitar that her roommate had, which was missing its highest string, and just started playing. I played Scars of Time once or maybe twice, and ended up playing Diana for pretty much the rest of the time we talked, over and over again. Things sound so pretty on guitar.

Kerri and I talk a lot about how not-at-home we feel at college. Usually it's nice, because misery loves company, and also because Kerri is just an awesome person. I got really sad when I was talking to her this time though, like I could feel that if I wanted to, I could easily just let myself cry. I didn't want to cry in front of her though, it would have been pretty inappropriate and awkward for her, so I didn't.

I've accepted that I have never and will never feel at home in college. She's accepted that she loved her childhood, but she can't go back.

Sometimes I wonder if how good I had it my last three years of high school has given me unfair expectations of how good things could be in college.

Maybe I was just supremely lucky in high school. Maybe most people never feel as happy as I did then. Maybe you're not supposed to be able to walk around saying, "Every day you see me, you're seeing me on the best day of my life." If so then that fucking sucks.

Things here often feel temporary. I can tell because I don't take pictures. I'll head out for the night, look at my camera, and leave it behind thinking, "No, this isn't like a real night with my friends, this is just like practice, or temporary, or something. But whatever it is doesn't call for me taking pictures of it."

I heard some kids in the hall (probably) making fun of one of my songs the other night. It put me in a pretty bad mood. I don't understand why people would do something like that. Especially when I live where they were doing it.

I don't mind if people don't like my music. They can even do that in front of my face. I don't even mind when people make fun of my music. I just prefer they not do that in front of my face. That's not really a lot to ask.

Peace out.