Tee

Hortense is in a group called PSIADA, which I don't really know anything about except they're international and a debate club, or something like that. They were having a fundraiser today at Happy Valley Freez, and I figured I'd go to help out her club.

Another friend, Amy (from English 202), had asked me to play at an open mic for a charity group she's in as well (Global Hunger Awareness, maybe?). Hortense's club was at 6 and the other was at 6:30, so I figured I would just go one right after the other. Amy's club didn't have a piano set up there, so I just brought my guitar. And so when I went to Hortense's fundraiser, I was wearing my blue hat, Fall Out Boy t-shirt, white belt and jeans, and the guitar on my back.

I walked in. I looked around for Hortense, and she wasn't there. I could see some people who were clearly members of PSIADA in the corner to my right, but I don't know any of them. I don't really know what to do for the fundraiser, so I just kind of stand there for a moment. The guys in PSIADA are staring dead at me, then turn to each other and laugh. One of them says, "Uh, what?" quietly to his friends, and another says, "Oookay..." It seemed quite clear to me that they were judging me really hard.

So I went to the cashier, who came to the register by then, and said clearly, "I'm here for the PSIADA fundraiser. Could I get a small chocolate cone?" I made sure they could hear it. I took my guitar to the corner where they couldn't see me and ate.

I texted Hortense:

J: I'm here! Where are you?

H: Oh no! Not there yet! I can be there in fifteen, sorry!

J: Hurry! Your friends are tots judging me!

H: Haha i love you!

J: IT'S STILL HAPPENING =(

H: Haha i still love you

J: Awww, thanks horty! Love you too =)

Extremely adorable, although it did not alleviate the judging.

//

Hortense sat with me for a while as I finished up my ice cream. It wasn't a kid's size, and I legitimately had a very hard time forcing myself to finish all of it. I didn't ask for a cup or throw it away because I was already being judged.

Before we left, Hortense stood up from my table and went to go hug her friends goodbye. I got up and stood near the door. She talked to them quietly and laughed.

When she got to me, she said, "When I was talking to them they were like, Dude, you gotta lock that down." I didn't really understand. "What does that mean? Is that good? Like lock me down because I'm a crazy person? Or lock me down like girls and boys?" "Yeah, like to date you." I was extremely confused. We laughed about it. She told me that it meant they thought I was attractive. I still felt kind of silly.

//

I saw Hortense later in her room, after she took her shower. She asked if I wanted to hear a fun story about PSIADA, and I said sure, but that I also wanted to hear a final verdict on their judging of me. She said that was the funny story.

"I talked to my friends and was like, 'So, were you guys judging my friend?' And they said, 'Judging, I don't know what you're talking about!' 'Well, he says you guys definitely said something...!' And the kid who was bisexual was like, 'I wasn't judging him, I was checking him out. Is he fickle?' He didn't ask if you were gay because other people don't know he's bisexual, but I know."

How strange.

The moral of the story is

Peace out.

The Center

I went to see Tess work with her learning partner for English 202H today. I almost cried twice. He was a thirty-year-old man, roughly, with short brownish hair and short red facial hair. He came in listening to his iPod with his headphones in, and told Tess he was going to go get something from the vending machine. He offered to get her something if she wanted it; she said no, and so he offered to myself and Dave as well, who was also watching the session.

They pulled out the books they had been using. A pronunciation book (he was almost 100% perfect with that, actually), some Entertainment magazines, a Game Informer, a screenwriter's bible, a book of scary Pennsylvania stories. Tess decided the lesson for the day would be to work on the script he was writing. He read the script to us so far - also not bad at all at reading - which was more of an outline of a horror film, but not yet complete. He creates the plot as he goes.

Tess pointed out that he had mixed up the words from and form again. As he read, he often mixed up the names Chelsea and Katrina. He often wondered aloud where the period should go. He didn't know how to use quotation marks. He couldn't spell the word friends or the word Escalade on his own, although he got them later with some help and some sounding out. He seemed completely happy to work on the story the whole time.

It totally broke my heart.

He's such a nice guy. He really was sweet and very polite, and he makes the choice to come work with Tess every single time he does it. He has a job as a dishwasher that most people in college would never dream of taking. He tries, he really does. And he still couldn't write a proper sentence if his life depended on it - and I seriously mean that, because that's how bad it was. Sometimes he couldn't even get a single word correct.

It made me think of all the bullshit we hear. "Anyone can make it in America! If you just work hard, you can do anything!" No, false. Some people have legitimate problems, and no matter how hard they work, they can never overcome some difficulties. It kills me to know that society, in general, would provide no help to this man. That doesn't seem like the kind of thing that a kind people and a kind Earth can do. He's a good guy, he works hard, he tries, he does what he can. He survives because he has a family that loves him and treats him like gold. But if it weren't for that, he'd be on the streets for sure. And that should never be allowed. Meeting him and working with him, even for an extremely short time, made this actually hit home, and it feels more unconscionable now that it ever has.

Peace out.

Cutting Class

We were at Fourth Meal tonight and Dan R shared a great story with us.

D: "Once, I slit a girl's wrist in school with a pair of scissors."

Table: "!! Why?"

D: "Because she was a b****"

Table: [Lots of laughter] How did that possibly happen?

D: She was my lab partner and I hated her and we were just fighting and it got to the point that I was holding her hands in place and had a scissor blade to it and she said, "Do it, I dare you, you don't have the balls," and then I just did it and was like, "F*** you, yes I do!"

Table: [Incredulation]

D: Well, and the teacher was like twelve months pregnant, so she didn't care about ANYTHING. Kids would get changed for sports teams in the back of the room and she would just be like, "Oh, come on, guys..." And so when I did this, she didn't care at all, she was just like, "Dan, come on, clean it up." It kinda helped that she basically thought the girl had it coming.

I don't think I could ever imagine something quite like this happening at GV. Although kind of messed up, we laughed a ton during this story. He told it well.

Peace out.

Blanksy

It is significantly more difficult to find high-res images with a political message than you might imagine.

(Any help appreciated)

Peace out.

Matherton

Today I met Kathleen. Or really, introduced myself to her. I've seen her a few times on the way to or from Julia's room, but I've never asked for her name or given her mine. Today I wanted to play piano after lunch, so I went to Atherton (knowing Simmons would be crowded by that time) to give it a shot. I heard someone playing when I showed up, so I think I went to get a drink, and noticed that it seemed to pause for almost a whole minute while I was doing so. I figured maybe whoever was playing had gone to study instead of play but still in the lounge. So I poked my head in, and there was the girl from Julia's floor, looking at papers that had clearly been handwritten on the music stand. I knew immediately that she'd been writing a song.

"Did you want to play?"

"Oh, um.... I guess, yeah? But I really don't mean to kick you out!"

"No, it's cool, I was actually gonna go to the piano downstairs."

We talked a little bit more - I really wanted to make sure that she was okay with going to the piano downstairs - and she convinced me it was fine. She asked me what I wanted to play, and I said I didn't know, just something loud, because I didn't want to say "Fallout Boy."

What I should have done, I realized in hindsight, was ask her to play what she was writing for me. I'm not really upset at myself that I didn't ask, but somewhat surprised. I almost never ever turn down a chance see what someone I know made, and I wonder why I didn't jump for it in this case. I also wondered if that would affect her first impression of me. But I don't think it's a terribly big deal in either case.

Peace out.

This is Why We Can't Have Vice Things

I was in Washington this weekend I was staying with Kelly M, "Smiley Kelly," from Semester at Sea, and her roommate, Irena. Irena lived in Russia until she was eight years old and is a major in essentially Russian Studies. She's studied in St. Petersburg for a while and speaks fluent Russian, and told me about the street where the Duma used to be which is now a raving cesspool of madness on spring nights around 3AM.

We were talking about my own travelling (through Semester at Sea, of course), and I think we were talking about subways and metros and how Japan has the best system. She said Japan must have been awesome, but I told her that I didn't really like it, because people didn't smile at me very often. She said, "Well you can't really blame them, I mean, who do you think really has an interest in befriending white Americans?"

And I said, "People in Cambodia and Vietnam!" And I talked for a second about how nice and friendly the people there were compared to Japan, who wouldn't even make eye contact with me. And then I was about to say the following:

"Which is really strange, considering what America did to Vietnam in the war. What did we ever do to Japan?"

But before I did, I realized: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH riiiiiiiiiiiiiight, and then didn't say that, and felt like an idiot.

Peace out.

My McBride

I heard that they're doing McDonald's weddings in Hong Kong.

//

I went to see James McBride today, the author of The Color of Water. I showed up late because I came from my first hockey game, which started extremely late, and so I had to leave early, after I scored a goal, while the game was still going on. I dropped my gallon of water on the rink on the way out. People were upset but Matt B took care of it. I felt like an idiot. I was still a little late for the speech but that was okay.

I sat alone, but realized that people I knew were sitting very close to me. I could see Haley, Jen, and Grace in the front row with the speaker series. James was wearing a hat and it made his face hard to see. My favorite line of his, when he was talking about discrimination and why it's bad, was the following:

"People who discriminate against gay people, they're no friend of mine. [...] In fact, God's gay, and he's a woman, and she's from Texas. How's that?"

//

I came to Shengnan's play late as well, because I had to leave another hockey game sort of early, although I don't really know if it was early or not. It took me forever to find parking because the lot I usually go to is under construction, so I had to run from another place, I actually don't even know where it is. I found 111 Forum faster than I normally do (it's right near 108!), and came in the second door, right near the sound person, who looked at me inquisitively. I looked for my friend HK who said she was coming, but to no avail. I sat down randomly.

I noticed Shengnan playing in the pit, which was facing the door to another Forum classroom so that the conductor could lead them. She was wearing a black dress with a bow on it. Tim B (from my hall) was in the play. There was also a guy with a painted-white face like Amanda Palmer and the other guy in Dresden Dolls, like in the Coin-Operated Boy video, I liked him a lot, but I think I was biased.

There was a girl sitting behind me who I didn't know and I liked before I talked to her. She leaned forward the whole time and laughed lightly and often. Additionally, she was cute. As the play went on, I considered turning to talk to her, see if I could charm her pants off, or maybe her underwear, though I'm not actually interested in that. As it turned out, she actually tapped my shoulder at the first, and asked me if I knew what time it was or how long the play was going to go on. I told her I had no idea but joked about how long it felt, and she laughed, and we said we were both really just here to see friends in the cast, and so we went to find them.

Peace out.

Campus Squirrels

I wish the squirrels on campus knew that I would never do anything to hurt them >.<

Peace out.

Chickens and Stabbing Apples

Two days ago, a bunch of guys from the floor and I went to Rigatoni's - Monday Rigatoni's, which is the best Rigatoni's, except for Wednesday. We got an inaugural cookie. Collin, Matt, Tarik, Nick, Tim, and Mike were there.

Dinner was cool. We talked about eggs, because someone asked if there were eggs in the salad. I asked if eggs were always so perfectly shaped and perfectly white, or if we had selected for chickens who made eggs like that, and thus forced them to evolve to where that was all they made. Some kids suggested that they had always been like that because the structure is the strongest that could be made. Matt, however, suggested that we had evolved them into this. He also suggested that chickens would soon be evolved into nothing but egg factories, who would sit in a barn eating a constant stream of corn and pooping a constant stream of eggs, which has the consequence, he said, that if one ever escaped, the entire world would be covered by eggs in a matter of days. I almost died laughing. I've retold the story a few times since then, and each time I died laughing. Even as I was writing this right now, I started laughing.

In either case, after we were done eating, we played the napkin game. You throw napkins into people's empty drink cups, and if you get a napkin in and then also get one in on the very next shot, then you win. More accurately, your victim loses. And the next time you have dinner with them, they can't have a drink. And they also have to wear the same color shirt for a week, even if that's the only shirt they have of that color.

During that, Matt got up to get an apple and some forks. He explained that you throw the apple to someone else at the table and they try to catch it by stabbing it with their fork. Then you throw it to someone else. We all thought you'd take the fork out, but he clarified, "No, you leave the fork in when you throw it. You just throw it by letting go of your fork." And so we all got our forks ready and started doing it. It was easier to stab it than I thought it would be, and eventually we were lobbing around this apple-and-three-fork conglomeration. I got my fork ready in hyper-stabbing mode and went for it so hard it just went straight through the side of the apple. Someone else slammed it down into their bowl.

Then a crotchety 30-something at the table behind us got up and came to our table.

"I know you guys think it's fun to act like you're 5, I know I did when I was in college, but you break it you buy it, so I think it's time for you to leave."

There were so many things wrong with the situation that we didn't even know what to do. First, she had no authority. Second, people break things in dining halls all the time and don't pay for them. Third, we already bought the apple, so if we broke it, who cares. We were seriously just dumbfounded, and not knowing which place of idiocy to capitalize on, we just left, and arranged for what to do next time. Possibilities included inviting her to play with us; asking her what crawled up her ass and died; telling her that she didn't have any authority to kick us out; telling her that we already bought it so we didn't have to buy it; suggesting that SHE leave; waiting until she asked us for our ID cards and then just running as fast as we could since they're all old and out of shape.

Peace out.

A Conversation with Gift

She told me her real name, though I forget what it was. Thai people usually have very long first names, apparently, and instead go by nicknames. Her nickname was Gift, which is apparently a very common one in Thailand. She was sitting in the orange chair by the main door in Emerson's apartment, the one that we didn't come in through at first. She was wearing green and black on top, which khaki-ish shorts, and lip gloss and eye-liner. Emerson and I talked to her for a little bit about Semester at Sea and how she could get the same scholarship that he did - by being an East Asian Studies major or minor - while I tried to show her that it was actually cheaper than a normal semester at UVA, which was beared out by the websites of the two organizations' own numbers. She also said that she was a biology major and didn't know if she could pull of the East Asian major or minor.

She told me that she had studied in a boarding school in Connecticut before coming to UVA, just for a year, and that was her first time in the states. She said that she mostly felt used to it by now, though. She used to be alright at speaking, but then she got self-conscious and clammed up, and from talking less and less, her English got worse and worse. Her roommate was the one to help her, and said that she could always talk to her and ask her for help with speaking or writing or anything. And slowly, over time, they worked on it. Her conversation with me was perfectly flowing. She said that she missed her roommate a lot.

I asked her what she thought was the most striking difference between Thailand and America. One thing she mentioned was the parties, and that she didn't understand why people did things like that. I forget what aspect of it she didn't like, but it was one of the same things that I've never liked - dark, loud, drunk, crowded... something along those lines.

And she said that friends were different.

"So tomorrow, you will wake up and maybe you won't think about me, but when you do think about me, you will say I'm your friend, right?"

"Right."

"It's not like that in Thailand. When you say friend, you mean someone very, very close to you. Someone who you think about every day."

Interesting.

"So that's why I don't just hang out with American people and I hang out with Thai people too, because they understand what friends are to me."

Peace out.

Disasster

So yesterday was Wednesday. I shouldn't have had much to do but I always find things for myself to do.

I woke up around 10 or whatever and went to Tarik's class again. Nate Brown is really cool and the class is actually willing to talk to each other, which is very rare and special. I was in a group with Tarik and a kid named David who is a senior in high school and Nate referred to us as "the smart kid group," which I thought was a little premature but nice anyway. We walked back with Hortense and I forget what we talked about but I remember having a good time.

I'm pretty sure I spent most of the next time working on the song for CAS 100H. People stopped in a few times I think but I made some good progress and I think I had a verse or two by the time I was supposed to go to lunch.

I went to lunch at Simmons and was supposed to eat with Lucy, really, but she had to be a little late, but that was okay because Hortense was coming too. I showed up a little early to get food so I would be done when they got there and I could just talk to them. Hortense was the first to come, and she brought a friend named Stephanie who lives in McElwain and did the same Shanghai program that Hortense did and is a math education major. It was nice to meet her, and I might talk to her about teacher stuff sometime. Lucy came when I was just about to go really, so I told her I'd like to see her again and we decided to try for Friday's lunch.

I left for a meeting with Ron in his office. When I showed up one of the officers was talking to him about club stuff, and the kid who played varsity soccer was also there and discussed whether or not he should take an actuarial job at Chubb. He had worked in their PMU over the summer but I don't think had quite as good of an experience as I did. Eventually he left and so Ron and I got to talking. I wanted to check if he had gotten the Cambodia material and so we went through his email and he found that he did actually have it. He gets a million emails all the time so I don't blame him for not getting to it. I just wanted to make sure. After that we talked about my summer, and my life plans, the things I wanted to do and could do, and the things he had done and some politics about the department and the colleges and the major. He's a really nice guy. I never knew he was almost a music major. He's so cool.

When I was done I went back to the dorm to work more on the song, and Lisa stopped by. I played it for her, but I went too fast or something and so she had to look at the lyrics. She liked the part about Facebook stalking. Other people came in for a while and hung out on the futon. I finished writing the last lines of the song while they were still there and I didn't even have the guitar, but they worked out fine when they tried them.

I had to kick them out because I needed to go to French. I went there, and we did our first real listening activity, I think, which was kind of hard. French is such a dumb language. And they talk so fast. The teacher always says "Isaac" wrong. I wonder if she's a native English speaker or not. Her accent is pretty much dead on though... pretty convincingly American... but sometimes she asks "Is that how you say it in English?"

I left and went straight to dinner 'cuz I wanted to play hockey. I told Kozi that he could come, and after some back and forth it worked out that I picked him up a little after 6 and went to the rink without going to Eddy's. His friend Azad came. He was built and Assyrian and a nice guy and a pretty good player, too. At first we just shot around a little bit and were afraid the rink was going to be too full, but then a big group left and it was just the three of us and three other dudes, so we played air-post against them. The clear winning strategy is to go right up on the red line and then shoot sideways... so yeah, we did well against them. Two of the guys on their side were really good and I should have gotten their info to play club with them, but didn't. Later, Timmy and Dyke and Kirky and other club guys showed up and played too. Dyke and Timmy were incredibly impressive, as always, and we played until it got dark.

I forget exactly what I did when I came back, but it was around 9:00PM or so. I think I went to Will and Drew's apt at some point to help Will with some math, and then went to visit Emily, and then returned later to the apartment to help with another small math question before going to fourth meal with the crew. Things were cut on the floor in the studio, too, that was before I went away to the apt. After fourth meal, people hung out in my room for a long time. Tarik stayed until 12:30 but then went to bed; Matt and Ariel stayed until sometime around 2; Emily stayed until sometime around 4 because we had a really nice conversation, and then I went to bed.

Peace out.

Personal Statement

I started trying to write my personal statement for the Fulbright scholarship tonight, specifically about how I'm disappointed with my academic success since I've left high school. I didn't even make it to the end of that paragraph and I was almost crying. I gave up for the night. I'll try again tomorrow hopefully.

Peace out.

It's Unforunate

thinking of you = toy

i feel that this coincidence has robbed us of a great acronym.

somewhat less direct/useful:

love you miss you = lymy (limey)

peace out

Ouch

In regards to keeping insurance losses low:

"...smaller businesses located in areas indicative of simpler lifestyles tended to perform much better than the rest of the country..."

Hooray, right?! It continues:

"...the blue collar impact can most likely be attributed to the fact that lower-educated workers employed outside of large metro areas have less access to the legal system and a lower sense of self-entitlement."

Ouch.

Peace out.

"Corporate Isn't for You, Is It?"

There was a "former intern panel" at ACE today, which included two interns and two full-time workers, and I'm not sure either of them were actually interns at ACE. I didn't get a whole lot out of it, but I guess I did have some questions I was curious about.

The first I asked was what ACE thought about working from home. I think I may be able to convince myself to work in the corporate world under some circumstances, and this one may play a part. Either that, or the building needs to be REALLY close to my house, or I need to be able to pick my own hours well under forty per week. She said they were largely cool with it, especially in the summer, but that you need to build up trust, and your managers will know if you're doing work or not.

The second - which I asked later - was about "vacation" time. I asked her if there was anything they could do for people who wanted to push all of their vacation time or roll it over, if that were possible, such that they could actually have a meaningful abroad experience rather than some vacation at a resort/beach, which I said I was not interested in at all. She said it might be possible to take three weeks of vacation all at once, or more when you've worked up to it, but that you really can't roll it over like that. Later a girl came to me and said that her dad works there and has like five vacation weeks per year, and that he's been considering doing something like that, but that it takes a lot of organization and planning for the seventy days when you'll be gone, and that discourages a lot of people from doing it.

Before I left the room even, her brother had come up to me and said, "So the corporate world really isn't for you, is it?"

I didn't know I was being that obvious.

Peace out.

Things I Did After Work Today

1. Got a haircut

2. Practiced Khmer

3. Bought apples for lunch

4. Worked on dreamcatcher

5. Cleared memory card

6. Charged camera battery

7. Got food ideas from Matt

8. Acquired bitTorrent stuff

9. Acquired The Room

10. Sent Ariel all pics/vids

11. Found Shawshank Redemption

12. Inflated tires

13. Read the 17 Project blog

14. Ironed my new shirt

God I'm impressed with myself. I also watched The Daily Show.

Peace out.

Recounting

I feel like, as a service to myself (more than anyone else reading this... as if anyone does anymore?) I should recount the awesomeness that was this weekend. Quickly.

Got out of work at 4:30 on Friday, met Caitlin's sister and her husband, who were extremely cool, and her friend Joan, who was also pretty damn cool.

Went to Fat Tuesday's on South Street with the actuaries from ACE and had an okay time, but was worried about getting back to my car the whole time.

Left at 7 and made it to Lauren W's graduation party by 7:40PM or so, which is like AMAZING time for going from Philly to GV (!)WITH(!) a stop at Wawa.

Hung out there for a while, talked to Steve and met Lauren's mom and talked to Pacificos.

Went to go play open hockey at Marple Sports Arena with Chas, which was a little costly and very crowded, but tons of fun! Ran into a fat dude with my neck and that sucked.

Came back and hung out with Jess and Sam while they watched a show about Whale Wars. Ate cookies with them and talked for a while. She gave me her wedding invitation, which was painted by Sam's mom. She asked me to pay for breakfast but I said no.

She made me breakfast the next morning, including chocolate milk. We had cereal and talked.

I worked on 100 Nights and essentially finished it, except I'm not sure how I feel about the bg harmonies in the bridge. Tone quality is pretty shaky.

Went to Five Guys Burger and Fries because I was feeling American after watching us let up an incredibly embarrassing goal to England in five minutes.

Went to Krissy M's graduation party, learned her name is Kristina, and gave her cookies which she didn't eat until the next day. A random family member called Tracy H my girlfriend, which totally caught us off guard, but we went with it.

Went to Sarah Jones's party and saw Gina for the first time in a long time, along with a number of other people. Briana was there and she looked really pretty in her white dress. I talked to Erik about Arabic stuff.

Went to Melissa DJ's party and talked to her brother for a while about his life, then went back to have a bonfire with everyone. Stayed until everyone was gone except for Melissa and Steve F, who was in the same "circuit" as me, it seems.

Tried to go back to Krissy's house at night, but miscommunication and an ever-wake mother stopped that from happening.

Wrote an email to Xiao and Christina K, and told Megan R we should hang out. I think I contacted someone else, too, but I forget who.

Woke up to play hockey at 8:45 and did so until about noon.

Went to graduation, Joe Biden was there, Ceci gave a speech, Tracy said she hadn't told her parents yet.

Went home to eat dinner with my family.

Went to Katie R's graduation barbeque, and ran into her grandmother, who is extremely nice and remembered me from when Katie put my music onto her iPod. Talked to Nick a good bit, and then Stasi about college and what to expect.

Came home.

Sang in the car a lot.

Peace out.

Piano Bracelet

I made the first one in South Africa because the stencil shop didn't have any clever stencils.

Then I realized it was wrong sometime when I was still on the ship.

So I made this one.

Peace out.

Work

So tomorrow I start my internship at ACE. Probably I shouldn't be typing this on the interwebs, but OH WELL. I'm not particularly excited about working there. I'm afraid that tomorrow the other interns are gonna show up and be like, "Man I'm so excited about finances and insurance!" and then they'll ask me if I'm excited and I'll just be like, "...yeah... man! ... insurance...! ...okay honestly I really don't want to be here."

But maybe it'll be okay. Maybe. Transportation is also an issue. There doesn't appear to be any great solution. Maybe I'll just go with Dad.

I told Mom that I want to be a teacher and she seemed almost personally offended by the idea. She made some dick comment about "If you ever want to live alone and not with a roommate you better be an actuary for a while." I think that was patently ridiculous considering the inordinately large amount of money I've saved in my life plus what I'll be making this summer, plus the fairly cheap rent for some place in the area. Plus I live cheap in general, plus I could work, and it's not like teachers live poor.

I wish she would be happy with me just being happy, instead of me being rich.

Peace out.

Happiness Video

The South African chick is hyper cute.

Peace out.